Lately, I’ve been thinking about death a lot lately. What if my husband died what would I do? What if one of my dogs died? What about my grandparents? This could be attributed to my very somber mood as of late or the fact I just finished reading Lamentations in the Bible which describes the death and destruction of Jerusalem in 586 BC by the Babylonians but as I was laying in bed this morning, thinking of death and checking to make sure my dogs were breathing, my writing surfaced again in my mind. What if my novels are dead?
This I believe is what is driving my thoughts on death–the fact that my writings/novels may be dead and I’m just not prepared to deal with this or let them go. A book by nature is a living document for every time it is read it comes alive in the mind of the reader or listener. I want my novels to come alive repeatedly–not die a horrible death on my computer never being read.
Death is something we don’t have control over. When your time is up, you are called. Maybe this is what God is trying to teach me about my novels. I want to have control over their life and death but I can’t really force a publisher to publish it, now can I? I thought I’ve handed my novels over to God’s will but maybe I haven’t. Recently, I have let the fact that my career is going no where get to me and maybe I shouldn’t have. After all, if it was meant to be (it being my novels published or me have a writing career), it will be. It has been predetermined and all I have to do is act on it. God already knows. I just wish I did. It would definitely make the rejections a lot easier to handle knowing someone else will believe in me.