My Heart is Heavy…

I just found out we are moving–and it’s not to anywhere I want to move to.  It’s in the middle of nowhere, we know no one there, and the nearest BSF class is a 5-hour drive.


It definitely wasn’t what I was hoping for.  But my kids will get to be with their daddy almost every night–something they desperately need.

It’s not a long-term move (2 years or so) but a move nonetheless and for those of you who move frequently and with little kids and 2 dogs, no part is ever fun.  No one in my family is excited about it but its all about getting the job experience for my husband so hopefully after 2 years we can move to where we want to live (civilization would be nice).

I will have to pray hard about BSF.  My main problem:  I have kids in two-age groups:  the school-age and the toddler age, which meet at different times in BSF classes.  This is my major obstacle as I see it (especially as I’ve been told by you all that kids are not allowed in discussion groups and lectures or something like that). Since I will be homeschooling, I will have my kids with me at all times.

Sigh again.

Understanding God’s plan in this will be a challenge–no doubt about it.  We moved to where we presently live because I wanted to live here but obviously God doesn’t want us here.

Then there’s this whole blog thing.  I thought it was a good thing and you all tell me it’s a good thing but why would God move me to a place that makes attending BSF a HUGE obstacle if this isn’t a good thing?  I know my detractors are secretly excited about this news although they probably wouldn’t admit it.  I can’t start a BSF because the population is not big enough to support one.

Sigh again.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around this and luckily I have some time before we move (2 months or so). But still…it won’t be easy.  Yet is anything in life ever easy?

46 thoughts on “My Heart is Heavy…

  1. Maybe with today’s technology there could be a way to do a discussion group via Skype or something like that? Might be an interesting question to present to BSF – to see what they DO offer for those in remote places

    I have you and your precious family on our prayer list. Praying for your upcoming move and the entire situation.


    1. Love the idea of you not missing BSF by doing it via the social network of some type. Please do present this to BSF, as I’m sure you are not the only one that has the distance issue. Ask for others, not just yourself. Thanks for your blog. I’m new to it, yet not new to BSF, (8th year next year). Love and God Bless You.


  2. Why can’t you start a BSF classs. It doesn’t have to be big…with your leadership it would grow. Remember that verse in the Bible that says something about where 2 are gathered together in my name…not sure where to find it but its something like that. Take heart. I’ll pray for you from here in Florida.


  3. What a joy that God is going to use you and the tools you have garnered from BSF in a whole new way! There is probably a church in your new location who needs your skills. Ponder in your heart what frontier God is leading you to work for His kingdom. God will bring you honor as you bring Him glory!


  4. BSF = Person, Word, Holy Spirit. So there is a BSF in your new rural area. Enjoy. And you have the blessing of new friends and experieces to look forward to. Awesome. Someone said, ‘the only constant in life is change.’



  5. Sorry to hear about your move. My sons are now in their 20’s but we did have to move frequently as they were growing. Looking back we all benefited in many ways from that experience.

    In the moving process we were not always close to a BSF, so I checked out other studies I could participle in such as Precept Ministries. (Awesome, too). The one closest to BSF is CBS Community Bible Study I was able to be part of that when BSF was not available where I lived. They also have a children’s program that is structured the same as BSF, in fact I was a children’s leader so I know. My kids were in both BSF and CBS programs. It was a blessing. Hope this helps in some way. Have enjoyed your posts this year in Isaiah. Blessing to you and your family. God has something good in store for you and yours.


  6. Oh my…bless your heart! My heart is heavy for you as well. BSF has been an AMAZING journey but one I have to be sure that God will want you to continue, surely!
    Ok, I have to admit that I am a bit selfish..I LOVE your blog. You have helped me to understand and consider thoughts and ideas I don’t think I would have ever entertained without your input.
    We all will just have to pray that God puts you in a place for you to be able to access BSF. And this is not just for me…it really is for you as I can see that you really enjoy and get alot out of the BSF journey. 2 months may seem like a short time but in the long run…things can change according to HIS will. Am I right? At least I pray so.
    Heidi Cox


  7. Perhaps you can look into building a Bible study at your new church location or have you looked into CBS (Community Bible Study)? We just moved across the country and believe me, I know how important it is to stay in the Word. May God richly bless you in this move.


  8. “If He leads you to it, He will see you through it.
    God never closes a window without opening a door.”
    Trite but true expressions. There are deeper reasons behind this move than can be glimpsed by the mortal eye. Embrace it — PRAY — and TRUST. He will lead
    you through this experience.


  9. I’ve learned so much from you. God will find a way for you to communicate with novice’s like me. Stay stong in Him and the door will open. Ann


  10. Change…it’s not comfortable to say the very least. I’m sure my heart would be heavy as well. But take the word ” change “, add a few letters, now what do you really have? What you are faced with is a ” chaLLEnge “, a problem with answers. I know God does good for those who love Him; it’s just that we can’t see as far down the road with our limited human vision.
    The loss of fellowship with your BSF group is a big pill to swallow; however I think BSF has online study. Those of us who enjoy your blog would enjoy your being able to continue to bless us with your insights.
    I will be praying for you and your family as you are being called to rely on God more fully with this major move. May He bless you and keep you focused on the cross and the ultimate goal we have as Christians…that last move
    to be with the One who made us. <


  11. I have found BSF site on line with all the questions but no answers or comments if you need the site address just let me know. I was in a hurry last meeting and walked out without picking up my paper work Just a thought it might help


  12. Just always remember that God is in control and not anyone else. He always has a plan for us, even though we may not understand what it is at the time.. May you have strength and be blessed wherever He leads you and your precious family.


  13. Dear Atozmom, I’ve only come to know you through your blog. Actually this is the fist blog I’ve ever been a part of and my first comment ever. I feel the heaviness this type of challenge can present. However, for you it seems as though the move is a fact of life but don’t give BSF up although you may not have the interaction with others,you can find the questions on line. Your Blog is your connection with the world.


  14. Look up Community Bible Study on the Internet and find out how close one might be. Our local CBS has all age groups, even home school groups. If that’s not available, local churches will likely have some studies you can join, or maybe you are being called to start something for other homeschool moms or at home with your kids. God will use you even in the country!


  15. I have so enjoyed your blog that I found by accident just recently. I was looking to sign on for for questions for the week since i missed a week and your blog came up.

    I want to encourage you…The Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

    I am from Georgia lived in San Diego, CA 1988-1991. Moved back to Georgia. Then moved to Felton, DE 2004-2008. Now back in Georgia. All the moves were related to my husband’s job.

    I want to say the 24 months will fly by. Embrace it. Look for field trips for your area. Use this time away from a big city to grow closer in your relationship with the Lord, your husband and your children. May I recommend 2 books, Created to be his Helpmeet by Debi Pearl and The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.

    Use this as a prayer time for all you know taking turns daily for yourself, your family and others. BSF is a tool to get you in the Word and to grow you closer to the Lord. To grow you up in the Lord. It is not the Lord.

    Type in homeschooling for the state you are moving to. Also, if you mention your state you may already have friends on your blog. Check the local church for bible studies you may be surprised. I had to do what you are doing now. Take a break from BSF. I started in 1992 with the Life and Letters of Paul in Norcross, GA with my two year old. Went for 5 years. I started homeschooling and BSF homework was all too much. I had to drive at night for the school program and I couldn’t see well at night. I just started back this year in 2010 for Isaiah and will sign up for the Acts of the Apostles.

    Go with great joy. Look on the internet for decluttering ideas to get ready for the move in the next two months. Another book is The One Minute Organizer, Plain and Simple. 500 tips for getting Your Life in Order by Donna Smallin.

    Your greatest calling in life is to take care of your own husband, your own children and your own home with as much kindness, social grace and courage. Step out in Faith with a good attitude and willingness to be in God’s plan.

    Have a blessed day. Pattie


  16. I will keep you and your family in prayer re: the move. Your insight to BSF questions have been so helpful to me. I only found you a couple weeks ago. Please post when you plan to move. You may also want to see if there is a CBS class (community bible study) in the area you are moving. I directed a friend there since there was no BSF near her and she loves it! It’s similar to BSF.


  17. I am so sorry to read this. It sounds like BSF is not an option while you are at your new location. I pray that you will find a quality Bible study program through your church. I have sincerely enjoyed reading your posts and hope you continue. You have a gift of writing and have blessed many of us.


  18. Everything with a Christian is a God thing…Our job is to praise Him and anticipate the blessings…He always knows what He is doing…as we grow we learn that He is with us in everything and that is all that counts…Looking forward to your reports of your excitement in walking with Him,,…..


  19. Not sure about your new church situation! You might be able to lead a bible study in Isaiah with your new church ladies! Wouldn’t that be awesome??????
    I agree with who posted BSF = Person, Word, Holy Spirit. You know the study will be in Acts. You can post as you study. Your posts have been a blessing to me – there is just something about sharing the Word and personal applications with others. Sweet fellowship! And to those that may be “secretly excited about this news” from Isaiah 41
    11 “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
    those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
    12 Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.
    Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.
    13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand
    and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

    Blessings to you as you press hard into the Everlasting Arms!


  20. My Dear Atoz…

    Well…you knew it was coming and now here it is….

    Another great adventure in the Atoz clan…and I have no doubt that you’ll do just fine and I know you know that too.

    You know God always has a plan. He knows you trust him. And he also understands you’re bummed out. You’re his daughter. He knows.

    I could tell you the “typical” sunshine-y-cheer-um-ups…but right now I don’t think that’s our job as your friends on this blog….I think you just need to know that we walk with you through this. I can’t help but think that God brought us all here, just so you would know that we can go with you to no civilization. Even if it means snail mail. For a woman who thinks of herself as not very gracious or hospitable…you’ve done a good job of growing friends. :-).

    All I can tell you, and I wish I had some great wisdom here but I don’t :-)…is when I’ve gone through times like this…I’ve found a lot of strength (? if that’s the word) in the Steven Curtis Chapman song, “The Great Adventure”.

    some clips…

    “Let’s follow our leader into the glorious unknown..
    this is a life like no other…this is the Great Adventure”

    “I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say, “Let’s go”…so saddle up your horses.”

    But then again…my kids and family call me “Miss Little House on the Prairie” maybe that whole scenario just works for me….:-).

    Atoz…there’s nothing we can do to lift your heavy heart except tell you we’re here. We can listen as you go through your emotions and thoughts. And it’s ok to share the ups and downs with us. That’s what friends are for. We can’t help pack though..and that’s kind of a bummer :-(. I can barely get dishes done with an almost one year old around the house never mind pack UP a house.

    I don’t know what “out in the middle of nowhere” you are going to…but wherever it is, they need you. So go. Put on your little prairie hat, get there, let the sheriff know you are in town, rattle a few cages. Bet a woman like you is rare in them parts 🙂 (said in my best good-ol’-boy twang).

    Saddle up. Enjoy your Great Adventure…because you’ll be sharing it with us…you will, won’t you?

    Many hugs, dear one.
    Nancy (in please-let-the-sun-come-out-Chicago) 🙂


    1. I swear, Nancy, you must know me or something! Yep, I knew it was coming. I was just in denial of it and the location which my husband tells me has nothing to offer. I looked up Community Bible Study, which of course has no locations in my state and is quite the drive as well. I’m not for sure yet what I shall do. I just know I need something or I will go nuts. I’m thinking I may join a group and then only attend when my husband can watch baby (twice a month or so). We’ll see. Right now, I’m just trying to put myself up out of my funk.

      I know there’s a reason. You are so right–I probably will rattle some cages and as my husband tells me there’s not a lot of women up there so I’ll probably stand out!

      For those of you who have asked, my husband works in the oil fields (which is usually in the middle of nowhere) and for those new here I didn’t move the last time he did because we have moved 4 times in the last 2 years so I decided to stay put for one year. Now, the year is up and it’s time to move again and I did agree to move so I can’t complain about it (except to you all, of course!)

      And we are moving to North Dakota but not the inhabited part of North Dakota, oh no. The middle of nowhere where you can throw a rock to Canada part of North Dakota. An oil field town where it’s mostly men who come and go to do the work and then leave.

      But, apparently, I’m needed there or at least wanted there by God for a bit of my Earthly journey so we shall see. But I won’t be able to do it without Him and neither will my kids.

      Many hugs to all who have left encouraging words. I do intend to be around for Acts–we will just have to see what that looks like come Fall.


  21. Maybe you are being given a “time out” by God. Maybe he isn’t sure where the best place is for you, so he is creating an environment where your husband can succeed and you can focus on your writing, your children, and hubby. In the end, it is what it is.


  22. I will be praying for you. God’s ways are not our ways. He has a perfect plan for you and your family. Trust in Him and He will see you through this. Look for the blessings along the way. He always sends blessings, we just have to look for them.


  23. There may not be a BSF class near you but for God’s sake there better be internet for you and a public library for the kids. Your writings have brought so much joy to so many-we can’t accept losing that. Keep writing we love the stories. As for your kids being with their dad, that’s a blessing for them.

    Not sure of what BSF can or will do for you. I’ve called BSF headquarters in the past and asked them to put everything online. They said there was a problem with copyright laws but the next year they did publish the questions. I called again this year and asked for the notes to be online so now we wait and see if that comes to pass for the start of next year’s class. Just the cost of printing and shipping should make them want to go online anyway. Oh well…

    Just keep your blog going and don’t worry about the detractors. They are most likely jealous and yes they won’t admit it. They’ll probably question the second coming if it were to come in their lifetime. Pay them no mind. It’s the handwriting on your heart that comes out on paper…we love that…keep writing. And wherever God puts you-you will bless those people too.

    Keep the faith and get packing…

    Your brother in Christ

    Tom OMalley


    1. Every time you comment, Tom, you say something in a way I need to hear–from God really. This blog has become a lot about BSF (not that I mind–I quite enjoy it actually!) But this blog didn’t begin with BSF and nor will it end there. It began to fulfill I need I had (incidentally, a need to talk to someone because I was living in the middle of nowhere before) and it has more than done that.

      In my heart I do this because I enjoy it. I enjoy sharing and learning along with you all. But more than that: it’s about writing. The passion put in my heart by God. That’s what you keyed in on and what I needed to hear.

      Sometimes I feel lost myself in this blog when the most googled hits have to do with BSF but your encouragement to keep writing means a lot. My thanks cannot be expressed adequately.


  24. I wish I knew your name but I do not. What I need to say to you is that your BSF posts have been such a blessing to so many folks around the USA. I can feel your pain about having to move to a new location where there is no BSF close by. We will all pray that God will open a door for you so you can continue your blog as well as to continue your spiritual growth as is the case for all of us.

    Sending you Christ’s love and strength,



  25. I found your blog and have thoroughly enjoyed your views on BSF.

    Since you are a member, you still may be able to log into the website and get the notes and questions and print them off. I hope you find a way to keep attending, keep studying. There is hope and joy in Isaiah! And it is entirely relevant to today!!!


  26. Hello,
    I am sorry to hear that you’re moving in a place that seem to be off the map. My husband retired from the military and we had to move lots of times, some where we wanted to go and some where we didn’t want to go, but as long as I was with my husband places didn’t matter. I know its hard but think of it this way, God is in the mist of this move you’re making, so don’t look at it as a desolate place, look at it as a place God is sending you, and make the most of it. God will be in that place also.

    I do so much like comparing your answers to mind, we all have different views, but its helpful.

    I’ve only been with BSF for about three months and I really do like the study.

    I too are like you, we’re moving to North Carolina, and I’m leaving a house that we had built the way we wanted, that we love and made it into a home with the help of my Lord. It’s a bitter sweet move but as I said I will be with my busband. And we’re taking te Lord with us.

    So don’t fret, put it in God’s hands, and watch him work.

    Your Friend,


  27. Hi Atoz,
    Let me start by saying that I love your blog. I came upon it just a few weeks ago and I have thoroughly enjoyed your insights which have made the study more interesting. Just know that someone in Nairobi, Kenya does appreciate you and I’ll be praying with you and your family during this season. You will get through it and God is surely in the midst of it all.


  28. Take heart. God DOES have a plan…we just don’t know it. It has seemed that in my life (I’m 58) when something has gone horribly wrong, God takes that which I decided to do on my own and it didn’t work and He has made something of it. My life may not have turned out the way I wanted it to, but it is obviously where HE wants me. I keep telling myself that I am one lucky lady…I was not born in a third world country, I have a brain that has helped sustain me thus far, and eventually I will spend eternity with our Father! Look to the big picture…


    1. Oops, hope I don’t create any controversy but I was born in a third world country and I do not believe I am unlucky. I am blessed beyond measure and so is everyone else born in a third world country.


  29. First, I recently discovered your blog and love it! Regarding your move – can you start a BSF chapter in your new place? Your Blog has been an inspiration to many in BSF maybe God is leading you to take the next step….


  30. I looked up some more information. I’m a very practical person. There is a North Dakota Website for homeschool support groups. Maybe one is close.

    Also, sign up to receive a North Dakota visitors package just like you were going on vacation there. You might be surprised what you find. Or even the city in Canada close to where you are going to live in North Dakota. I’m sure they have visitors book/brochures too.

    I met Christy in 1988 when we moved to CA it’s 2011 and we are still friends all these years later. Then also I met Gina and Kathy who are homeschoolers in DE and we still keep in touch…Also, I had the sweetest neighbors in the subdivision where we lived that are my facebook friends. I can watch the little ones I met continue to grow..

    Facebook is a whole new way to keep up with every one and you don’t lose that connections.

    Also, this may be an opportunity to share how you are growing up in the Lord on your blog as you follow his leading going where your husband goes. Look at each move as a new adventure. Enjoy where you are while you are on the way to where you want to be. Blessings, Pattie


  31. Hi, Sorry you have to move but hopefully you can make the drive and maybe carpool with a neighbor. God can work this out, just trust in Him. I certainly have enjoyed and found your BSF blog helpful. Remember you can be happy wherever God puts you with your little family! God bless you, Betty


  32. My parents live in North Dakota. It is a beautiful state. People are very friendly. They live an hour south of Winnipeg. Winnipeg has BSF there. Is Winnipeg a possibility? Since you are so close to Canada, you may want to explore something like that.


  33. North Dakota is beautiful! BSF is wonderful and a blessing certainly but there are other ways to stay connected. I am sure once you get there you will be able to find a Bible study with one of the local churches. It may not be BSF but it will get you meeting local people and help you become acclimated to your new local. Your BSF background will bring a wealth of knowledge to any Bible study out there!
    God is putting you there for a reason. I am not sure you are meant to spend hours driving to a BSF location and then back. You might need to bring your knowledge to that area.


  34. My heart is heavy for you! Your comment regarding your Bible collecting dust when you don’t have Bible Study accountability to get it done by a certain day is 100% how I am. If you can’t attend BSF, I have done some Beth Moore studies which also have 5 days of homework and then a “lecture” on video. Maybe if you get plugged in to a homeschooling group, MOPS, church group, etc it may logistically work out since it can be viewed anywhere. Prov 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” God is putting you out in the middle of nowhere because he has something to further his kingdom through you out in the middle of nowhere. He is going to bless your socks off!


  35. Perhaps you could get the questions on line – granted you wouldn’t benefit from the discussions or the lecture. Perhaps you could also have someone fax you the questions. I’ll definitely miss comparing your perceptions and mine next year!!!!


  36. You and your family are in my prayers and I can’t even BEGIN to tell you just how much you have HELPED ME by reading your blog, and your input/thoughts etc on the BSF questions. You express things in such a way that I and others “get it” understand etc. In myy BSF class I question things as well as my friends do as we don’t quite understand something and the discussion leader trys to help us. So I come home an read your blog for that particular lesson and wow you put it all in perspective! You write so beautifully! I know God led me to this site & I wish we weren’t so far away I would love to get to know you more. Your family is truly blessed and you have to be so proud of yourself that you are using and sharing the talent God has given you Bless you.
    There are reasons for everything happening in our lives and I know you will find the reason for this move and I pray that you will be able to fulfill your BSF studies via internet.
    I will continue to check back now and then Travel mercies to you and your family.
    May God continue to bless you and watch over you and guide you and your precious family!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s