when I drop my kids off at school.
I put my kids in school this year because I thought that was what I wanted and what God wanted.
I thought I was called to teach other children.
Turns out, it may be just mine I was called to teach.
My girls have tested way beyond their peers. One of my girls has skipped a grade level. The other could if she so desires.
My son is “bored” with school and continually asks me if he can be homeschooled.
My daughter who skipped the grade mentions it occasionally how she wants to be homeschooled.
Only my older daughter (the more social one) is resisting.
I am fighting the urge every day to pull them out. To “re-claim” them so to speak. Especially if the school teaches to the Common Core, I will have to.
I thought I’d get a job in education. But no such luck.
I’m torn in two over the whole thing.
I’m just trying to do what is best for them and at this point I don’t know. So I’m trying to give it time, but it’s killing me. Every day it’s killing me. Me and time are not best friends.
I’m praying fervently over it. Trying to hear from God what He wants me to do. I just feel like I could go in so many directions right now that I have no idea which one I should.
I could homeschool. I could teach. I could return to banking. I could wait a year and try to get a teaching job again when schools are hiring again. Or get a full-time banking job once my son is in first grade. Or I could write (which I’m still doing but am uninspired at the moment so am taking a break).
All I know is how I feel every day. I feel selfish. I feel I’m letting my kids down (failing them) by sending them to school and them being bored a lot.
I thought I’d have a job by now doing something, but I don’t. Hence, I feel useless. My “teaching” job of teaching my kids is gone so I do feel like I’m not living up to my potential. I feel lost. Un-normal. Out of routine. Lackadaisical. And all washed up.
I haven’t worked in 10 years and I’m not getting any younger. I feel like now’s the time to go back to work but so far all the doors have been fervently slammed shut.
I’m just not sure I know what God wants my life to look like and that is unsettling, disconcerting, and nerve-wracking to say the least.
Yep, I’ve got problems…
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.