Am I a Freak?

Lately, I have been wondering how others spend their time.  Then I think on how I spend my time…

In the mornings, I get up.  I frequently work out.  Then I do my bible study.  I check the news on the Internet.  Do miscellaneous things that demand my attention like laundry or dishes or pay the bills.  Pray…

Then I work on my novel.

I labor over this thing like it’s a work of art.  I just spent an hour and a half today editing 2 pages, agonizing over word choices, looking up definition and synonyms, until I deem it perfect before I move on.  Frequently, I return to the same passage the next day and re-read it just to make sure.

I ask myself Why? and wonder what others do with their spare time.  I think of what else I could be doing.  Reading adult books instead of kids books.  Cleaning.  Cooking.  Planning something or other that I’m sure needs to be planned.

My neighbors watch TV every morning.  I see it on through their blinds.

Then I think No, there is nothing else I want to be doing than this.

Frequently, I feel selfish about it especially when my husband is home.

But I have this hope, this deep desire within that one day soon I will be published.  One day I will go to Barnes and Noble and buy my own book.  One day soon I can call myself a “writer” instead of a “blogger”.

And it is this that drives me.  That keeps getting me up at God-awful hours of the morning.  That tires me out and I go to bed early.

And that embraces the term “freak”.  For if that be what I am, then why not?

We all probably have something we are a freak about.  So what’s your thing?  And how do you spend your precious spare hours?

11 thoughts on “Am I a Freak?

  1. You are a ‘writer’ already! I think who has urge to think and write, will blog, else won’t. In my immediate circle, nobody thinks and writes blog. But yes, credentials of being an “actual writer” can come from publishing a book. So, all the best for your book! I like motivated people!

    How do I spend my ‘precious spare hours’? By hitting gym, followed by reading books for 3-4 hours and sipping green tea [at least three times], watching a Chelsea match, if it is on that day else read news on politics, read blogs of good people like you, write blog entries, read poems etc.

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  2. Have you ever looked at the word freak and see that the first three letters are “fre” as in free? Being a freak can mean that you are free to do what you want, when you want. Life seems to always say you can do more but when does it stop? Even when you are doing what you want to do. I have the same feelings, a stay at home mom with three children. I spent all those years in college to graduate with a business degree and now I can recite every Disney movie. Will I regret this choice later? Never!!! I know a lot of moms don’t have a choice to stay home and they are great moms. Everybody has different circumstances. You touch more people than you realize from your blogs. Congratulations on pursing your dream of writing a book. Are you a freak? No. A perfectionist, perhaps. Don’t agonize over every page. Let your heart fill many pages then take a break and fill many more. Don’t look back on what you have written for perfection until you have finished the book. I will pray for you and look forward to your first book!

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  3. You sound goal-oriented for a good cause which is commendable – most of us spend hours wasting time I think. My only recommendation would be that your writing could be part of a college curriculum, gaining hours toward a degree – in today’s world, the work can be done on-line and you would be getting professional critique from your instructors as you went along. Perhaps as you finished your work you would not only be ready to submit for publication, but possibly finishing up requirements for graduation. Think about at least making a few inquiries about this. Blessings…………

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  4. Dear Atozmom,

    Please don’t call yourself a “freak” since you are anything but that. As far as I’m concerned, you are a guiding light to all those who read your blog. I don’t know what I’d do without your BSF posts. They encourage and inspire me so much. I am sure everyone else who reads them will agree. You have a God-given talent which reflects in everything you do. Don’t ever change. Merry Christmas and abundant blessings for the coming New Year.

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  5. You want freak, similar, work out, praying, taking MOOCs (free undergraduate and graduate courses on the internet) reading, religion, psychology, neurosciences, quantum physics etc. Of course family and work which is largely executive coaching. am 79 and somewhat disabled so have a lot of time. I do not feel deprived rather blessed. (keep at it I have a cousin, my age, who just published and am reading a novel written by the young son of a friend. Also have another friend whose daughter has had two books published in the last year. She wrote for years.)

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  6. I have very little spare time as I’m dominated by having to go to the office to work ! Would rather be at home. Enjoy your spare time as you are very busy in other ways such as Bible study and family care ! Its a blessing from the Lord for you to enjoy…
    VAL in California

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  7. Since I haven’t had any projects to work on at this engineering consultant firm lately, I had in my mind after my daughter went off to college, to go back to college myself and take some more art classes. I have a Fine Arts degree back from the 70’s and an Electrical Engineering degree from the 80’s and here I am, 58 years old and trying to find out what I am suppose to be doing with my life! I didn’t even do a thing with the Arts degree and decided to see if I could do the engineering thing! I have worked several years in the engineering field but now I feel a need to explore art again. I’m really rusty at drawing since I haven’t drawn in decades but I’m learning all over again and learning techniques that were never taught to me before. I took my first art class of printmaking last fall and was so scared of being in a classroom of younger people that I almost chickened out. But God was good in all of that because when I showed up for class, there was one other person taking the class that was near my age! We have been taking art classes together ever since and encouraging one another. I also found out that the younger art students are wonderful people and I am learning from them as well as the teacher! So my days have been filled with doing art homework and in class studio work. This semester I took on two art classes, color printmaking and life drawing which have really been way too much for me to handle and have interfered with my normal routine. I usually do BSF in the mornings, with art classes during the day, followed by working out at the gym. However, this semester has been, doing BSF on Sunday during the preacher’s sermon, and only two days available to work out at the gym. I just wanted to see if there is something for me in the field of art somehow, some where. I have fantasies or goal? of being a big time artist but when I see so many talented people out there and I’m struggling just learning how to draw again, you really begin to wonder. Oh well, I probably should be looking for work and earning an income again. Yet that dream keeps on tugging at me!

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