Man Never Changes…

I’ve been out of the work force for over 12 years.  I’ve been extremely blessed to be so.  However, over the summer, I have taken a full-time position.

Admittedly, I’ve led a pretty sheltered life.  Not having to deal with adults on a day-to-day basis, I’ve been molded by children and their worlds.  Kids are authentic and real.  They are not perfect, but in general what you see is what you get.  They don’t deceive except when it comes to candy and chocolate.  They are the best of man before mankind changes them.

I’ve had a few hard lessons to digest over the last two weeks.  I’ve learned I have to have boundaries with people.  I’m frankly a very attractive woman and last week I was asked out on a date (I’m married for those of you who don’t know).  It disturbed me because all I was doing was listening and asking questions at my work.  That was it.  A very innocent conversation about weekend plans.  But somehow a line was crossed and I paid the price.

Yesterday, a work colleague whom I thought I knew stole a bonus from me to put it simply.  I asked for his advice on a client and he basically stole my client right in front of me.  It hurt.  I don’t want it to.

Immediately, walls went up.  I’ll never trust that colleague again no matter how much he apologizes.  I won’t lean on him again when I need help in learning our company’s computer systems and my job.  Our relationship of joking around will never be the same.  Because a wall went up.  And I don’t know how to bring it down.  It saddens me.  Immensely so.  Because I don’t want one to be there.  Worst of all, I’m afraid it’ll affect the rest of my work relationships as well.

I’ve spent my whole life behind walls mainly from childhood and it saddens me.  I don’t want there to be walls in my life.  And I don’t know what to do about them.  All I can do is pray.  But for me, prayer in this situation is a slow process.

Now, I have to be wary of what I say to clients.  Wary of being too much of a listening ear for those who need to vent their life’s frustrations.  And worst of all wary of someone I work with every day.

I think of the book of Revelation and how man never changes no matter what.  Deep down mankind is selfish and greedy and vindictive and lustful.   It is his nature.  And to protect ourselves from ourselves we build walls.  Walls that are easy to erect but take forever to crumble.

I don’t know how to get over what happened yesterday.  I am sad and hurt and time must do it’s job.  I don’t know how to forgive and forget. I don’t know how to re-form that relationship.  He was my favorite colleague.  My go-to guy.  My friend.  And now…

I haven’t cried in a long time.  But tears are rolling…

I feel naive.  Stupid.  Out of sorts.  All mixed up when I shouldn’t be.  And now guarded.  When I don’t want to be…

I don’t want to change who I am at work.  But I fear it’s too late.  Because a curtain descended yesterday over my heart.  One I can’t rip apart like the coming of Christ.

Any advice would be greatly received and appreciated.

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47 comments on “Man Never Changes…

  1. Lissette says:

    I really feel for you but you are so blessed to not have been hurt like that before. You have led a sheltered life and for that you must be so grateful.

    When someone you trusts hurts you is when it is the worse. Only time will heal and hopefully not disrupt your feelings for others who might become trust worthy friends.

    Remember God sees it all and He says “Revenge is mine”. What you are feeling is so human and natural. In my long lifetime I have had to cross off many people that I thought were friends. My advice is not to let one person influence you with how you feel or treat others.

    Right now I realize easier said than done. You are a model to so many people and being honest about your feelings is one of your most dear traits.

    So important to show everyone that just because we are serving the Lord does not mean that we won’t have problems.

    You are blessed.

  2. lisa-b-davis@comcast.net says:

    My experience is a total flip flop from yours. I worked when my kids were smaller. I had a very flexible schedule so it worked out well for me and my family. However I had a higher level professional sales position that was incredibly competitive and cut throat. My husband was buying into a company and his income was limited.

    I now work out of my house. My job is very limited and less stressful now.

    I think that you have just experienced what goes on very often in the work place.

    The best thing I can tell you is try not to get so hurt over these situations. You will drive yourself crazy. The only thing that you can do is follow your heart and act accordingly. You can only control your actions.

    This guy was testing the waters and if you lead by example I found that is the most effective route.

    He now knows that you believe in your marriage. You are continuing to honor your pledge to God and your husband.

    Not sure if that helps you. But that was my immediate response when I read your post.

    And yes menopause keeps me up in the middle of the night. 🙂

    May The Lord give you strength.

    Sent from my iPhone

  3. Kit says:

    A perfect example of being in the world, but not of it…which makes being a Christian challenging at times! But, you are the salt and light of the earth…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven… Matthew 5: 13-16. God will indeed give you strength as you call on His Word you know so well. Thank you for sharing your light with us!

  4. Nancy Diaz says:

    Don’t let the actions of one person change you. Stay alert but positive. There are a lot of decent people out there. You must have a professional attitude with co-workers but keep your private life private. Be positive and don’t participate in office gossip it always fires back. You will do great and give yourself time to forgive don’t be hard on yourself and remember that the Lord if by your side.

  5. Rob Oakley says:

    Sorry. I don’t have any advice or any words more than that except that trust in God to make it right, keep going on the way you are and don’t let things change you. When thing like this happen I always think of 2 things; the bible: Job and CS Lewis the Screwtape letters. (Not too extreme i hope) ~ but there are many trials but God won’t let you suffer more than you can endure. (Is that 3 things?)

  6. Cheryl says:

    Good morning. First I want to say in all seriousness, this is a good thing that this happened to you. There is something in this for you…all things are working together for my good (Romans 8:28). Psalm 118:8 teaches us to trust God and put no confidence in humans. God sees that this is something you must learn for your journey with Him. He wants you totally trusting and looking to Him. Sometimes we think we are until a situation hits us to reveal otherwise. “The walls” should be “no confidence” in humans…don’t allow those walls to become grudges. James teaches us that God matures us in our trials…ask God what is He desiring to instill in you through this and what is it He want out of you through this. Yes pruning hurts but I thank God for it, because He knows out heart best (John 15). Let God model you for His good work in all situations! I will keep you in my prayers…but be excited that God is bringing you closer to Him!!!

  7. Jo says:

    So sorry this happened to you. Keep your chin up and pray. God never gives us more than we can handle, even though at times I have told God I am close to the edge. Let Christ lead the way, and this to will pass

  8. Linda Miller says:

    “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.” Mother Teresa

    Now begins the test of true forgiveness…..it is not a ” forgive and forget” but a “remember and forgive” situation. If you carry your hurt with you, it will effect every area of your work life. God has hand placed you in this place; shine your light like never before! It is the boundaries that need to be set as a person “in the world but not of the world.” It is hard; it is painful; it is no longer our self interest but our self-care. I will be praying that God gives you His wisdom in this whole situation.

    • Lissette says:

      I love what you said:

      “If you carry your hurt with you, it will effect every area of your work life. God has hand placed you in this place; shine your light like never before!”

      Also I have found that when you hold on to unforgiveness and think about the situation day and night you are hurting yourself more than the person that hurt you.

      You are right on with your comments. May others learn from them.

    • Kay Pope says:

      I love this comment and agree with it completely. Well said. Keep serving and trusting in Him. Things will work out the way He intended.

    • Beth says:

      I love this! I really needed this today, I’m finding myself in a similar situation but involving my neighbors. Thanks for sharing!

    • Barbara A Hurst says:

      Love what you all are saying,so wise and true insight.
      All I can say to “atozmom” is Matt 10:16 “I am sending you out like sheep surrounded by wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. or to put it in todays context, “look for the best ,but expect the worse!” A little cyinical but in the work place loyal friends are hard to find.Hold your head up, be your fantastic self, don’t get bogged down by office “climbers” .You and God have this!!

      • Sweet Mama says:

        I would add, however, that a Christian woman in the work place does need to have high standards to guard her marriage and body. A Muslim woman wears a head scarf to identify to the world that she is holding herself to a higher standard. A Christian woman also needs to subtly signal that she, too, is holding herself to a Godly standard in how she dresses and presents herself. I know you do Cross Fit so that combined with your good eating habits gives you a strong, muscular, attractive body. That leaves you to figure a subtle way to signal the office wolf (who needs to be reported to HR if he persists) with something like a cross or religious medal that alerts them that they need to find another pasture to go hunting in and the work place isn’t it!!! All of that said, some wolves won’t care if a woman is wearing a head scarf or cross around her neck or a gunny sack, because they are that sinister. If the business is small, HR might not even exist and in some places that can get you on the firing block in retaliation. Stating you are happily married like you did often does the trick. Prayers for his own wife and family if he has one.

        I’m sorry about the stealing of the client. That really stinks. I do think it is a case of better to happen early in the new career so you learn the hard lessons when the results are not as costly as they would be a year or two from now. It’s like that old Irish prayer for God to turn the ankles of our enemies so we’ll see them coming! Praying for God to give you eyes that SEE, ears that HEAR, and a heart that stays pure and righteous for Him no matter what you see and hear. God put you in this place. Seeds are being sown, fertilized, watered, weeded, and may they be fruitful for His glory!

  9. ga says:

    I’ve lived a lot of years and looking back over my experience with the human race it’s just as well I wasn’t the one called on to die for mankind. They’d be lucky if I’d miss a meal to save them.

  10. jack says:

    1. You can forgive someone for being untrustworthy. But that doesn’t mean you should trust an untrustworthy person.
    2. Consider it a character building exercise. Romans 5:3-4.

  11. dsrogers48 says:

    Thank you for your honesty and transparency….  unfortunately, this is quite common; I know, for its happened to me many, many times over my career…   let me think about it and get back with you; I don’t want to “shoot from the hip” without praying over my response and offering sound advice….   so love you!

  12. terry says:

    Turn the other cheek, Just like Jesus commanded us to do.
    Others are watching you demonstrate what it means to be a Christian. This is a great opportunity for you to witness to others.
    Create healthy boundaries. You will not allow yourself to be hurt by this person in this way again.

  13. lawrence stirtz says:

    Listen to Jack! (above)! I worked in a dog eat dog client service business for 50 years started and sold my own firm, worked in small ones and large ones was in management in large and small ones. Yes what you say will be present it is a fact of life, I have had to counsel employees and partners out for just such behavior and worse.

    Now for the good part, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A PART OF IT OR CHANGE WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN AND IS IMPORTANT TO YOU TO STAY AND ENJOY BEING THERE.

    It is not easy but you still need to forgive and the best way I found to do that was to find a gentle way of telling the offenders how they hurt me or someone else. What they want to do with this is up to them, and you can then form whatever trust level and relationship with them that you feel you want.

    The same goes for clients. I had a very good client who a high level lady employee of ours had lunch with. She came back and reported to me that he wanted to photograph her in his studio. He had a large creative business. My only reaction was to call and tell him we would no longer be proving services to his business and why. I also offered to refer him to others in my business and help get them started. We have had lunches since then, not many though. It paid off in great ways in the future since that one instance created great goodwill in our staff and in acquiring good employees. We were know as a firm that cared.

    You can do it and enjoy your new job (unless it is a real cesspool) you might consider having a conversation about this with a decision maker. I must admit there is a risk but it could be the best route in the end as, if it does turn out to be a bad move you do not want to be there anyway. Just go high enough and think through your words.

    Good luck you can do it. (By the way there is no unwritten code you violated the offenders would just like to have you believe that to make it your fault for crossing some line that they choose to define.)

  14. Joan Vannoy says:

    I’m sorry you have been betrayed by someone you considered a friend. As a Christian I believe we trust and extend to others how we would behave towards them. Unfortunately I believe that Satan does his very best to hit us at our most vulnerable spot. As for advise…my question would be “what would Jesus do”. That will give you the answer. I hope you can brush yourself off and not change who you are but also be guarded by the attacks of evil. My own personal experience proved to me that I had to put a barrier around my heart because I trusted it to people who didn’t care if they broke it. And as I say this ….maybe God was showing me that “he” was the only one I should trust with my heart. I also believe we experience things in life so we can minister to others when they have gone through the same thing.

    Sent from my iPad

  15. Joan says:

    My heart aches for you.I remember the pain of feeling betrayed and afraid.Dealing with that is how I got saved.I learned about the armor of God…a more positive self talk than walls.As previous comments stated,it takes time.I learned that courage is the ability/decision to stand in the face of adversity.I learned that it takes courage to go back to the people who have hurt,betrayed confused me and share/confront the issues,my feelings,my perception.Perception is a reality.If done with authenticity,compassion and concern it makes the process of healing faster.I also learned that when I am real like that there can be a gift,a new and or deeper friendship.If nothing else people know they can count on me to be trustworthy and know there are usually no agendas.Its hard to do because it makes me vulnerable but no gift with out courage.

  16. Jeanette says:

    I can so relate! I am headed to work but will reply later. I really feel for you and am saying a prayer…hugs.

  17. Rich says:

    So thankful for your candor. I know that you know the One you can truly trust.

  18. vanessa says:

    My heart breaks for you. I know just how it feels to be hurt in the workplace. My situation was the opposite. I was a single parent and forced to work in the dog-eat-dog arena. It is actually the very reason I am a Christian today. I am thankful for those many, many tears I cried over injustices. Although I would not want to relive those years they were the stepping stones to my relationship with The Lord. I learned to live only for Him. To depend on Him for my every thing. All the pain we have here is nothing compared to the joys we will have in heaven for eternity. Stay strong in your faith.

  19. Martha says:

    I can only imagine your hurting heart, but I certainly appreciate what you have encountered. People have anterior motives and it does hurt. I used to work at a church with 4 other women. They could certainly be hateful and vindictive. So glad I am out of that environment. Have you had a long heart-to-heart come to Jesus meeting with him? You really need to talk to him and find out why he did this? I would also tell him you will never trust him again. You must tell him how he hey your feelings. He was not being fair with you. God’s blessings, my friend.

  20. coni says:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us!
    As you labeled this post “Man Never Changes” the most powerful challenge is “God NEVER Changes” and God has the power through the Holy Spirit to help us through these difficult situations we face and man does not!

    Wow, after living sheltered from real life in this big world for many years I see that God has a real message and a new ministry for you. He wants you to grow up in a place that has laid dormant within you for the past years. God is the only one that can take this situation as it is now and turn it into a witness to the power of his son Jesus living in you! Who could even guess what God has for you to do. You have ministered through your life to many I’m sure and also to those of us who have followed you here and now He has new work for you to do to expand His message.

    Let God take down the walls of protection you have put up and let Him work out all the details in the coming days. We have been instructed to be “in the world but not of the world” and there is a balance to that and God will show you. The workplace is in need of seeing people who forgive and turn the other cheek instead of closing down and seeking revenge. This is how we live and share Jesus. Turn this “mess” into a message through your forgiveness and continuing your friendships and relationships as this “new” you who is now aware of the importance of boundaries, etc.. Set aside your fear and let Jesus direct your days and situations. Anyone can hold a grudge, feel wary of others, close down and ignore someone who offended you but we are ambassadors for Christ. Take Him to work with you every day and be that witness for Jesus through your love and care of others. Let them see Jesus in you and through you by forgiving and moving on. You might be the only person they every meet that they see Jesus through. I am sending this in love as I write this through my own hard experience. I was born and raised in a very exclusive sect (cult-ish) and after leaving that worldwide organization in the late 1980’s, I had NO experience with interacting with “the world” and was extremely naive as to what went on in regular work offices. I went through all the situations you have listed and many more and it was a real dose of reality in a short amount of time. My head was continually spinning! I was shocked to find that I was learning many good life lessons from them! Imagine a christian learning from a secular person! It was very humbling to see God using non-christian people to teach me a thing or two everyday, like climbing down off my spiritual high-horse and becoming a true person and friend. He turned my MESS into a message and he will for you too by simply casting this whole new life and these situations on Him. He will lead you and guide you through day by day and will bring you closer to himself at the same time. He said “I will NEVER leave you or forsake you! It’s a promise that will never be broken!

    I will end this with an interesting twist, sad but true. After adjusting to the huge environment change of living a secluded life that revolved around a certain church, (the ONLY church that had the true light) and living and working in “the world” in Oregon, Washington and SoCal-Los Angeles since the mid 1990’s, we found the secular workplace to have less backstabbing, position seeking, gossiping and misbehaving than we saw in “the only church.” That was totally opposite of what we had been taught as we were growing up. Hang in there, these colleagues God put in your life are part of God’s plan.

    You will be in my prayers as you continue on this journey God has had planned for you.
    Thank you for all the time and energy you have put into your blog. I have enjoyed it very much for several years.

    PS…As I reread this message I hope it’s not too intense. It was not my motive to harsh or line anyone up or point out anyone’s faults. It truly comes from my heart having lived through very similar circumstances and feeling all the same emotions you are feeling now.

    God Bless you real good!

  21. Yvonne Goolsby says:

    Forgiveness, as we were forgiven. It hurt,trust in the Lord. I hope you find peace.

  22. Jaynie Regan says:

    Always remember this is not our world. We belong with the lord. All you can do is model to that gentleman the correct behavior. Only rely on your brothers and sisters in Christ but sometimes, they slip up as well. People in the world today will stand on top of you to be recognized, or given that promotion. It is not a fair world out there. I’ve often thought that you would be a great book writer!
    Anyway, you have learned a hard lesson but not the last. Men feel men should advance since they are supporting their families for the most part. They feel when women work it is only to find a husband so that they can be a stay at home mom. Keep alert, keep humble, and rely on the lord. He hears you and remember His timing is always, always perfect. He may be watching you to see what you do!
    Remember, to the lord be the glory!
    Jaynie Regan

  23. Lissette says:

    My daughter translates homilies into Spanish to a deacon at her church. After reading the homily about the woman to be stoned for adultery I sent her a letter about one of the elected candidates for president that I have gotten to hate. The deacon started by asking my daughter if he could use the letter in his homily.

    As I was writing the homily for this weekend, I remembered your mother’s letter. I will show you how I would like to use it. Please ask her if I may.

    In her letter she asked the question, how would Jesus have approached [the fear and hatred that she has been hearing this year]. Then she responded to her own question,

    How would Jesus have approached the fear and hatred?

    “I know not with hate, but how? Jesus would have loved [those people] the only way that He does, with [unconditional] love. He would not accuse or condemn but His grace would overcome all wrongs like He does with me everyday. As I write this, venting, I realize that God continually forgives me so how do I have the right to accuse anyone or hate anyone?

    All I can do is pray for our country and that the best [person] be elected.

    Isn’t it amazing how without judging anyone [Jesus] was able to turn away [the accusers of the Samaritan woman] and make them ashamed of what they were about to do? Jesus in this story does not condemn anyone yet he makes the people judge themselves. I love it. Just reading that makes me feel ashamed of the feeling that I have . . . .

    I think it is perfect for the homily I have planned.

    John

    Just something to think about as you continue to work with the people that have saddened you.

  24. Tody Pillsbury says:

    Be discerning.

  25. sweeper1943@comcast.net says:

    I think you have to keep on asking the Lord for help, I know it is hard to take that wall down, but with the Lords help you can do it, you could tell this guy that what he did really hurt you and might not trust him again, tell him that you will pray for him. I will pray for you, I am the head of our prayer team at church and I am a Prayer Warrior also, the Lord gave me this job.

  26. sweeper1943@comcast.net says:

    My wife told me to tell you to ask the Lord for protection on stuff like that, she told me to go back to work you may run into people like that, she also said that she will also pray for you.  

  27. Jeanette says:

    Hi again. I wrote quickly early this morning saying I would write a full reply tonight. I, too, was a stay at home Mom until I went back to work in the ‘outside’ world years later. It was a real shock to the system and I had experiences like yours. I learned a few valuable lessons: One which too a long time and I still struggle with is that Satan would love to have all your hurt, anger and negativity consume you. Don’t let Satan or the people who hurt you have that power over you. Another lesson is that it is OK to shed tears. Your tears serve important functions and I have found that they bring me closer to God as I cry out for him. Third, boundaries in the workplace are very important. If you happen to develop a relationship with a female coworker that turns into a true friendship, you will be very fortunate. I developed a couple of those over the years and they eased the loneliness of the workplace. (Yes, you can feel lonely in a room full of coworkers.) The boundaries are simply wise, sad but true. I rail against these ‘walls’, too, but remind myself that the workplace should be a professional environment and that I don’t want to become the initiator or participant in workplace drama. Lastly, although this should be first, pray, pray, pray and remember who you are in God’s eyes and thank Him daily for the provision of the job and turn to Him with each struggle. Say a quick prayer for your coworkers and It’s amazing how that can lift you up. Don’t allow the harshness of the workplace to lessen the beauty and light that shines through you!! Hugs!

    • atozmom says:

      I am in awe of the collective wisdom from you all! Thank you all SO much for your wonderful words of advice and encouragement. I cannot express enough how helpful you all have been. I am praying to move past this as quickly as possible and forgive as quickly as possible so I can be who I am albeit perhaps a bit less naive.

      I did have a heart-to-heart with him yesterday. It went as expected. I explained how I was hurt. He proceeded to believe it was merely a “miscommunication” with no apologies and no feelings of remorse. It’s easier to forgive when you think the other person is sorry but he is blinded by his youth, etc.

      It is in the past. I will move on and we can still work together to almost the same degree. God is teaching me and hopefully through me, him as well.

      Thank you so much again for taking the time to offer advice. I can’t say it enough. You all encourage me and motivate me to keep up the good fight. God bless and hugs to all!!

      • Jeanette says:

        Good morning! I am glad to hear you write about moving on. It’s not easy but has to be worked on for many reasons, including spiritual and emotional health. regarding your confrontation: This reminder always helps me: We can’t control others but we can control our own actions and reactions. A month from now, look back and assess how you have adjusted and if the workplace has changed. That’s a reminder that helps me as well when I remember that the valleys turn into hills again, maybe rolling hills, but still there is the upward movement if we stay close to God!

  28. Carol says:

    My heart hurts for you. I worked my whole life… 44 years, got laid off three years ago and just decided to retire. So, in that 44 years, I went through many situations as you are experiencing. These challenges will only make you stronger if you know that God has your back always.
    I would not put up a solid wall of protection, just one that keeps you aware of the frailties of us humans. I have also learned to express to those who have hurt me, how they hurt me. Not addressing the issue only buries it deeper and more resentment filters into the situation. make it clear to this person that he crossed the line and your relationship now will be that of strictly colleagues. There will be many situations in your work life that will disappoint you, trust me, I know. But, each and every one of those situations strengthened me and prepared me for the disappointments I might face in the future. I know you know that God is with you. Just ask Jesus to take your hand and guide you each time you are faced with the evil that Satan is trying to put in front of you. Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, pray, pray, pray. I will pray for you, too. Hang in there. I do not know you but from the time we have shared with BSF you are pretty AWESOME!

  29. Debbie Rash says:

    People will always let you down, but God never does. Trust in God, Have Faith, Share the Word and His Love. Sometimes that makes us vulnerable. Don’t use your ‘God energy’ being scared with walls. God doesn’t do walls. It’s okay, God’s Got This. 🙂

  30. Jack says:

    Have you seen the movie “War Room?”, It deals with a similar situation. \My wife saw it in the theater. I purchased it at the Bible book store. There is a study book available on Prayer that is written by the writers of the movie.

  31. Lissette says:

    Atoz, you said:

    ” I explained how I was hurt. He proceeded to believe it was merely a “miscommunication” with no apologies and no feelings of remorse. It’s easier to forgive when you think the other person is sorry ”

    I have to comment because this is what happened to me recently. My best friend said something to me that was personal and unforgivable. It is hard not to mull over something that hurt so much and of course my actions toward her changed.

    I decided to apologize to her for how i had been acting towards her not even stating why. Her reply was she figured that the reason was because of what she had said. No I am sorry from her, or any remorse.

    All she had to say was I didn’t mean what I said or some sort of apology. But nothing.

    I decided right there to forget about it. We were partners in a business so departing was hard but necessary. If our friendship to her was so unimportant why continue subjecting myself to her cruelty.

    The amazing thing is that once I apologized I was able to really forgive her and quit playing the scene over and over again in my head. It was really over.

    Today we are still friends and talk, I would be lying if I said it was the same but I have no rancor.

    Yes Atoz, it would have been so much easier if there had been an apology or remorse.

    Life goes on and my mind is on what really matters “my relationship with Jesus”.

    Eventually it will really be forgotten and you will realize that is is all so petty compared to His love for you.

    I am glad that you had a heart to heart with him and let him know you were hurt. Now the ball is in his court. He might decide that what he did was wrong and hurtful. You might still get an apology. But if not you did what you could.

    Glad you are moving on.

  32. Lissette says:

    This was my daily bread today, I thought so appropriate for what you are going through.

    In times of evil and adversity, God’s people can lose sight of the Father’s “great and precious promises.” God has faithfully kept these promises through the ages.

    This past faithfulness is our reminder that we can trust his promise of the salvation we will fully experience with him one day. Even in our darkest night, God has not forsaken us. He sees and knows what we do and how we feel.

    Quite often, however, the LORD is watching to see how we will live in tough times. He wants us to show that we will be faithful during these times. He wants us to see that he can be trusted and that he still is at work in our world and in our lives. So let’s be faithful, trusting that the God who preserved Israel and brought through Israel the promised Messiah will also preserve and bless us!

  33. SuEllen Lithgoe says:

    Dear AtoZMom,

    I understand. A workplace is filled with pitfalls. I am now retired, but worked in a chemical plant here in Louisiana. My job interfaced daily, hourly with the guys in my discipline. Thankfully I worked with a wonderful group of men ranging from ages mid 20’s to 60’s.
    Twice in the 15 years I was at the plant I was “propositioned” due to being just nice – as I was to everyone! That was easy to handle as I was married. Just a few words and the problem was no problem.

    The only times I had problems that hurt me, jeopardized my job, and compromised my relationships was with women. Thank goodness I did not have to interface with them often.

    For me the solution was standing up for myself, being truthful, and realizing that these women were having problems of their own either at home, at work or in relationships with friends and family. Once I realized this, I could feel sorrow for them, forgive what they tried to do to hurt me and/or my job. When I would pass them I would greet them as nothing had happened and smile. Eventually these women understood that I had no hard feelings toward them and carried no grudge.

    If our Lord Jesus Christ could forgive me, how much better is my life that I can forgive.

    Enjoy your new job, be blessed.

  34. Nancy Woody says:

    God gives us challenges everyday, accept these are small warnings to trust only in Him. Read Psalm 18 :19-32, It starts “He has delivered me
    because He is delighted in me” and ends with ” It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect.” Follow his directions and like the old saying: kill them with kindness. Your Christian love will make a difference.
    God is telling you to show mercy, but keep yourself blameless, be pure but keep yourself merciful, be shrewd but stay humble and God and he
    will enlighten your darkness.
    May you be blessed by all the suggestions and love from you followers!

  35. I’m so sorry that you experienced two really difficult situations in one week. All of the responses given to you are so wonderful and true, but I am going to embellish on them just a bit.
    When you prayerfully entered the work force, you entered “the valley of the shadow of evil” as it were. We Christians, who are OF the world but not PART of the world must walk through this fallen place, armed with the armor of God. Many of the people with whom we come in contact want to test us–Satan certainly wants to test us–to see if we really do walk the walk, if we really as fallen as they, or if we are the “wusses” many think of when (and if) they do think of Christians.
    That said, to the guy who asked you for a date, simply saying “I’m married” tells him all that he needs to know–you honor your marriage and love your husband. Then you are able to silently set the parameters of your collegial relationship. Forget that encounter–just don’t forget that the guy may try again.
    To the guy whom you thought was a friend but stole a client from you, it would not be wrong at all to go to him to say that you are, obviously, aware of what he did and that you hope that he becomes aware of the wrong he did to you. Tell him that what you thought was a collegial mentor-“mentee” relationship was destroyed by his actions but that you will pray for him. And do.
    To you–pray for strengthening to follow the path the Lord has given to you. Pray for guidance in becoming knowledgeable enough in the ways of the world to be a constant and consistent reminder to those of the world that you belong to the Lord God and will not waver.
    God never promised us an easy path–He promised even more than that. Three hundred and sixty-five times He told us “Be courageous. Be not afraid. I AM with you.”
    As one who was part of the world for over 50 years, I was ruthless. When I became one who is OF the world, a child of God, I learned all this the hard way. But the past 15 years have been such a blessing is following His purpose for me. I’ve not raised a wall between myself and the world; I’ve raised the Word!

  36. Eric T says:

    First off, thank you for your blog. Over the years I have found your discussions insightful and useful. Thank’s again for this ministry. Regarding your incident at work, I am sorry. Being a male manager for nearly 30 years, I have seen these similar instances play-out between fellow staff members. I have a few words of advice that I hope you might find useful when dealing what appears to be for you a male dominated office.
    1) Some men (and women) in industry put themselves and their career first. They wear a facade to those they engage and appear to play nice. They raise themselves up by tearing others down. (Jesus talks about these people as false prophets – they exist in industry too!). For you, this just means recognizing them for who they are, take a step back, think before talking, and stay focused.
    2) I hope this doesn’t come across as sexist, however, it is something I have learned in marriage and have seen in my female coworkers. Women prefer to talk about problems as they negotiate towards a solution. They take problems very personal and overlay their feelings. Some managers perceive this as weak. Especially those male managers with poor listening skills. What’s their first reaction? You got it, “I’ll solve it for you!” Their reaction or action taken can be demeaning, in anger, frustration, or not caring. Here’s my suggestion, when finding yourself in these situations. Start the conversation with your proposed solution, then describe the problem and request feedback. This makes the manager recognize your skill-sets first before developing an inaccurate perception about you.
    3) Some male employees let testosterone think first. They are infatuated with new attractive women in the office. In your instance I suspect this was the issue. It’s not your fault, nor do need to change. Be direct, explain you are married and not interested. Most importantly, if this person continues to pursue you, document and immediately go to your manager. If your manager can’t rectify go to HR. Stand strong and confront the situation. This isn’t your problem but the male employee. You haven’t done anything wrong!
    4) Find a mentor at your place of employment or outside organization. If possible, look for a female supervisor/manager that isn’t in your department to help guild you through the bureaucracy and provide career advice.
    5) You carry your Christian values into the world. You love your neighbor, help those in need, and share your faith. Don’t Ever Stop! As a fellow Christian, I can tell you that you will suffer somewhat in industry. Remember in the study of Revelations asking if you have suffered for Christ and you said “no”? Well now you have. The reason is others don’t share these same values in their rules of engagement. They will operate within the laws and regulations required for their position, however, that is where it ends. Simple example, I have peers ask for my help consistently and I do so. However, they have rejected assisting me because their values are different. I call it entitlement complex (I’m not making a political statement). I still help them today. It is interesting to think that we can suffer in Christ without even raising His name but just be reflecting His skin. My suggestion here is, don’t take it personal, don’t get angry, and let it go. More importantly, if you do get frustrated, don’t bring it home! Learn a balanced work life by first leaving work at work. I know easier said than done.

    You talked about not wanting these walls you life. However, these walls are great to climb because they will make you stronger. I promise they will eventually come tumbling down. Just keep marching and blowing your trumpet. Don’t Give Up!!! God Love You & So Do I – Your friend if Christ – Eric.

  37. Anna says:

    There are no coincidences in life. God has allowed this situation for a reason…. maybe to teach you something and us as well… maybe to protect you from something else more serious in the future. He knew where the whole situation would go to and it is a part of His perfect plan. In these kind of situations, I ask God and cry out to Him: “What do you want me to learn? Can you open my eyes to see? Can this trial be possibly Your “blessing in disguise?” Father, I want to totally depend on you and not put trust in people or situations, but only in You. Let me be strong and steadfast

  38. Barbara Miller says:

    Sister in Christ, As you know, life happens and as Christians we are not exempt from the hard knocks that it occasionally brings. I would advise you to pray and ask God to help you to forgive. Forgiveness is not an option for the believer. We must forgive. When you get yourself in a calm place, I think you should talk with your colleague who offended you and let him/her know how you feel. Based on their response, you will know how you need to proceed with this work relationship. Maybe the person who asked you on a date was unaware that you were married. If that is the case, you shouldn’t take offense. If they knew you were married and asked you just let them know again you are married and please don’t ask me that again. Don’t change who you are. God made you perfect, in His image. Continue to be who you are, use wisdom and walk in His love. You are a shinning light for Him in the workplace act accordingly. Sisterly Love, Babs Sent from my iPad

  39. Andy Jackson says:

    We live in this world but are not of this world, this world is not our home and we will not have to face these things again soon. The stolen client was a test of forgiveness and an opportunity to let Christ shine through to the colleague who took advantage of a situation.Stay strong, we will be home soon and none of this will matter.Andy

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