Going Back to Refutation…

I’m still kicking around the blog post by Nathan Bransford dealing with dreams and expectations.  Most people agreed with it.  Some were like me.

It angered me.  I do get offended when people say “temper your dreams”.  Ever.  People had better not say this to one of my kids or they will have to deal with Mama Bear.  This isn’t what Jesus said or did.  The point of life is to be more like Jesus.  He said go forth and prosper.  Find your God-given purpose.  God wants us to succeed and not settle in life.  Life is way too short to settle.

I want my dreams so bad it hurts sometimes.  I cry over it.  I anguish over it.  I pour every ouch of blood, sweat, and tears into my works and I do expect it to touch millions.  I expect that.  This is why I will succeed.

Ask any successful millionaire out there how high his expectations were and I’m sure you’d get out of this universe.  Steve Jobs?  Bill Gates?  Donald Trump?

Sure, I’m sure they didn’t know the path their dreams would take but that doesn’t matter.  All that matters is the end result.

Writing is an Adrenaline Rush

Yesterday, I spent hours writing (well, editing really) and for once I enjoyed it.  I felt my work was becoming better and better and I added some new insights into my characters.  It was just an overall good day for me.  I began with Bible study, worked out, did laundry, played with my son after dropping his sisters off at school, and then sat down to write.

Writing is an adrenaline rush for me.  Once I get started, it’s addicting and it’s hard to stop.  I’m super excited to see this project when it’ finished and even more excited to see if I can land a literary agent after all.  Then it’sll be back to my last YA that needs the ending changed and some other adjustments.

Things are going.  I know this is my purpose and as long as I keep plugging away, it’ll happen in God’s time.

Editing Is Hard Work

I just spent 45 minutes and was lucky I got a page done.  I’m in the writing business for the creating aspect.  Editing kicks my butt every time.

I’m frustrated.  I’m ready to be done with this latest work but it’s hard for me to get into it.  I can manage little tracks of time here and there and then I move on.

I know this is where the money is at but for me I can’t wait until I’m successful so I can pawn my work off on a professional when I’m through.

I’m trying to dedicate more time but, again, I get daunted in the whole process.

I will get it done.  I just need to stick with it.  It still doesn’t make it any the more appetizing.

Is This All God Has In Mind For Me?

It’s hard to keep your goals and future plans in mind when you get bogged down in the details of everyday life.  I have to constantly remind myself that God has more than this in mind for me and if I pray everyday and ask Him for His guidance, then small steps will achieve big results.

Now, I try to keep in mind that all things are possible.  I can do this.  I can achieve my life’s purpose.  I can and I will.

My daughters have the horrible habit of saying, “I can’t.”  Well, starting today, that will be banned in this house.  It has driven me nuts for a while now so today I’m taking action.  No more limiting beliefs.  Good things can and will happen.  God can do anything so why not in my life?

Every day is a challenge and I try my best.  Some days I succeed.  Some days I don’t.  Nevertheless, I keep going never looking behind at where I’ve gone but only in the now and future.

Whatever It Takes…

I’m adopting this as my new mantra for the moment.  I’m not happy with where I’m at right now in terms of my calling.  I have so much more inside of me to give.  To much is given much is required which I believe I have been given a lot (talents, abilities, desires, ambition, God’s love) and I need to get all of that out in God’s way for my life.

I must remember God is in the now, in the moment and He can do anything.  He never gives up on me when I have given up on myself.  He is in control.  Life is about risks (you can gain the world but lose your soul).  I’m ready to start taking them.  I can’t just continue leading the life of ‘whatever’.  I must take the next steps.

Why do you think you’re here?  What are you doing with your life?  What are you doing here?  What’s this all about?

Answer for me:  striving everyday to fulfill God’s purpose for my life.  Working towards those goals.  Raising beautiful babies with morals, values, and beliefs.  Helping others.

Whatever it takes to fulfill God’s purpose for my life.  However long it takes, however much sweat it costs, however many tears I must shed, I will succeed.  For God has deemed it so in my life…and in yours.

I Must Be Getting Close…

since the Devil is trying this hard to prevent me from finishing my tasks.

Church yesterday was about discovering your life’s purpose–your God-given purpose for this life–and sticking to your dream without getting bogged down in the distractions of life.  People say all the time “If only I had the time…”  Well, you do if you want it bad enough.

The Enemy does not want you to succeed in God’s design so he’s lurking around to try and distract and discourage you enough to change course.

Lately, as you can see from my last few blog posts, I have felt depressed and very disheartened by the stalling of my writing career.  After yesterday, I felt God speaking to me that the devil is after me and I need to keep moving forward.  So, I must be getting close, right?

You decide what direction your life goes in, not Satan.

I feel renewed and strengthened in my resolve to keep pushing through my sometimes overwhelming hopelessness and focus on accomplishing my goals:  finding a literary agent and getting published so I can bring the stories God sees fit to the world.

Is Writing a Non-Existent Career?

When people ask me what my occupation is, I say I’m a mom.  I’d rather say, “I’m a writer” but I feel I can’t say this since I can’t prove it.

I feel my career as a writer is non-existent.  When the extent of your career is a word document on your computer, I feel like I can’t really call this a career.  I mean, sure, I’ve written two complete novels and one complete non-fiction work and tons of half-completed stories that couldn’t hold my interest long enough to complete.  But does this make me a writer?

I personally feel until I am holding my published book in my hand then I’ve really accomplished nothing.  Even when/if I obtain a literary agent, I’m sure I will experience a temporary high because at least I have convinced one person that my life/work is worth something.  Yet, this is only the beginning.  The hard part will be the agent’s job to convince others my work is worthwhile.

So, until this goal is achieved, I will still feel like I am wasting my time on my pipe dream–sitting in front of the computer, putting in hours researching literary agents, typing up books no one will ever read, editing and re-editing, perfecting a query letter, and feeling overall depressed about the whole thing.

Still, something inside of me keeps going, keeps prodding my fingers to keep moving in the hopes that one day my dream will achieve fruition.  I pray every day that it will.  I pray every day something happens to knock me out of this misery that has descended over me like a summer storm.

My kids keep me going, keep me motivated.  When I look at them, I see this life I lead right now is not what I want for them.  So, I keep forcing myself to sit at my computer, praying a miracle happens…and soon.