Just When You Think You Have It All Figured Out, God Slams You and Says, “Not Just Yet!”

Ever notice a pattern in life where things are going good and smooth.  Your job is great. Kids are growing.  Bills are paid.  Vacation was nice.  Bought a house.  Painted a fence.

Then, it all changes in what seems a matter of days and you are thrown in limbo again.

Maybe it’s just me who notices this.

I’m anxious again.  I find myself aimlessly trolling the Internet for no reason at all.  For about 10 minutes.  Then I close my computer and do it all over again.

I’m looking for nothing in particular.  When in truth I am seeking something.  Solace. Serenity.  Peace.  Knowledge.  Him.

It’s that time of year again where we may move houses.  Our landlords have the house up for sale and we’re getting a ton of showings.  I think it’s only a matter of time.

We’re praying to buy a house–a permanent home–but our chances are not looking good.

Husband’s job always seems to be in flux for some reason.  Call it the economy.

My pup had to have emergency surgery today.  She should be okay, but it was completely unexpected.  And very, VERY worrisome for her mama who couldn’t stand to lose her so quick.

Still waiting on teacher applications.  You think with school right around the corner, they’d hurry up.  But alas…

My novel has stalled at 30,000 words.  Put that down for a bit.

Trying to read books.  Have no desire.

I feel like I’m following God’s path for my life but, again, His timing is not mine.  I’d just wish He’d hurry up sometimes!

So I pray.  I just apologized to God for man’s tendency to pray in crises and not to pray in the good times.  Then again, He created us so I’m assuming He understands.

Then I pray some more.

Then I sit.  Trying to calm myself.  Occupy myself (my house is very clean!).  And not stay up late at night typing blog posts because my mind cannot rest.

And wait….on others….on Him….to answer prayers….or not answer them (which is an answer as well).

I focus on breathing and picturing God’s wonders in Nature (waterfalls, etc) that calm me.

Inevitably, peace will come.  It just won’t be on my time.

Patience, I whisper to myself.

Then I hear God whisper that as well.

And all is as it should be.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

All of the songs my daughter is learning to play in music class I download onto my IPod so she can listen to them and know how they sound.

Her recent song is Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day. Not a Christian group by any means and it has a cuss word in it (which is substituted in class).  I don’t want to dive into why the song was written, speculation about the band, or what it means to others–just what it means to me.

So, I’ve been listening to it for a few days now and it’s a very, very sad song.  The music is fabulous–haunting even.  Here’s the part that keeps coming to me:  “My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me.  My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me.  ‘Til then I walk alone.”

I think this is how a lot of people feel without Jesus and what they feel in their hearts.  They are searching.  They feel alone.  And they are waiting to be found by God and Jesus.

Our church on Sunday talked about Zacchaeus the Tax Collector as told in Luke 19.  Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus so he climbs a tree and waits for his passing.  Jesus notices him and invites himself to Zacchaeus’s house to stay.

Here, Jesus took the initiative because He knew Zacchaeus’s heart.

So, it’s true you have to accept Jesus in your life but it is also true Jesus comes knocking on your door and He knocks over and over again until you accept Him or you die.  We have Free Will to choose but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t try to encourage us by prodding us towards Him.

This song reminds me of someone searching for Jesus but just can’t seem to find Him or doesn’t know where to look.

When I first heard this song, I thought the lyrics read, “Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me.”

It brings tears to my eyes to think of all those lost, searching, but never find God.  That’s I think where we come in.  We are to share the Good News because God knows He can’t speak to everyone.  So He uses us to be His voice.  Even this song, which may have nothing to do with God in the writer’s mind, invokes the search and yearns for someone to find them so they won’t be alone.  God can always fill that gap.

This is what drives me to edit my novel for the umpteenth time when all I really want to do is quit because my novel says something about God and I think it says it well and I think it could help those who are searching but are lost and can’t find Him–just what I think this song is talking about.

Searching for something even if people don’t know what it is–they know there is something else, something more out there because God has put that desire into our hearts.