Wishing everyone a happy, safe, and prayerful Christmas Day!
It seems like every year around this time I get down and sometimes depressed.
Last year I was definitely depressed: my husband found out the day before Christmas he would be laid off in a week.
This year, I’m just down for whatever reason. It’s the time of year I look back and look at my goals and see how little I’ve actually accomplished. Mainly, it’s my writing/professional goals that have fallen short and, being this is what I believe my purpose to be (besides being a wife and mother first), it’s very disheartening.
Yet, good, unexpected things have happened as well: BSF and this blog that has taken off to heights I never imagined. I’ve learned a whole lot from the Bible I’ve never learned before. I’ve read quite a bit of the Bible (although haven’t finished it yet). Read some good books. Discovered some new music. Wrote some good books. Became healthier and stronger and hopefully a better wife and mother. Discovered I actually liked homeschooling and miss it.
It’s probably the Devil coming against me–as always at this time of year when our Savior was born. When things are going good, he steps in to try and take you down.
So, I’m going to power through these last few weeks, shake off some annoying things around me, and continue in prayer and thanksgiving for all of my blessings. I’m going to force myself to honor my social commitments (when all I really want to do is crawl into my heated waterbed with my two mangy old dogs and a good book), school commitments, spiritual commitments, and every other commitment on my life. And I’m going to try to be happy about it until this too passes, the weight lifted from my mind, and I feel like myself again.
I was saddened to hear about the death of Brittany Murphy. Normally, this stuff doesn’t phase me but her death did. I started to wonder why and it is because she was my age. It’s sad that around the merriest time of the year tragedy still strikes and seemingly randomly. One day, you’re enjoying life, looking forward to Christmas, shopping for presents, and spending time with family–and the next day, it’s over–no time to say good-bye, prepare for the worst, or even open presents.
Her death is a reminder that every day is a gift from God and we need to live in the moment and cherish the day and most importantly, those around us. For me, it’s my kids. I know one day I will be gone and leave them alone in this world (I just pray it’s not for a long time and they don’t go before me) so I’m doing my best to enjoy the gift of them and prepare them for life.
It’s why I’m homeschooling. I know in my heart that I can teach my kids better than a public school–I know that. Yet, I’m still tempted to put them in (selfishly of course) so Mommy can have her time. It’s what I’ve been looking forward to all my baby days.
What keeps me going and motivated is seeing just how much my daughter had learned in the two months since she’s been home. She’s actually reading now. In school, she had no idea what words they were trying to make her memorize to regurgitate back. Now, she can sound out those same words and understand what they mean. This is the enjoyment and satisfaction that motivates me–knowing that she’ll be more prepared to enter this world when I prepare her, not the insanely-overblown government who claims to ‘be doing what’s in our children’s best interest’.
So, during this Christmas season, I’ll hug my kids a bit tighter and give them a few more kisses and thank God every day for the joy they bring me. I pray for Brittany’s family as they try to cope with their loss and especially as they try to understand. Amen.