I just spent 2 hours editing a grand total of 2 of my novel pages.
With every edit I tell myself this is the last one. Then I convince myself to do one more reading…
Always my downfall.
So “this is my last reading.” Was supposed to be quick. Supposed to be…
Exasperation reigns right now.
I now know why every author thanks their editor on the “Thank You” page of their book.
And as soon as I get a novel published, I’m hiring one.
Because this stuff should DEFINITELY be left to the professionals…
So, I’ve started going over my novel again after about a month of inactivity. It’s one of my summer goals to finish up the editing.
Admittedly, I did not want to do this. Thoughts kept running through my mind of, “Is this really my calling? Why am I wasting my time again? Maybe I should just give up…”
But you know me. Giving up is not an option and I don’t like to lose so I began. I made little changes here and there that I actually liked. And after about 2 hours of working on my first chapter, I ended the session with a bit of a high, thinking, “Okay, so this is better.”
And encouragement to continue in this endeavor.
I am also learning stuff about writing from my kids homeschool curriculum. Where was this stuff when I was a kid? I continually think my education was severely deprived or at least hindered when I see what my 8 year old and 7 year old are learning. And at their age!
They are learning stuff I don’t even know! In a way it makes me jealous, gives me incredible hope for them, and inspires me that you can teach an old dog new tricks (our saying for the week we are learning!).
It feels good to be back on track again. I just pray this continues for the immediate future, long enough to finish this project and start seeking an agent for it.
Yet most importantly I feel continually blessed by God every day of my life. I know no matter what happens He is there, always, by my side, cheering me on and holding me up. Forever.
All of the songs my daughter is learning to play in music class I download onto my IPod so she can listen to them and know how they sound.
Her recent song is Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day. Not a Christian group by any means and it has a cuss word in it (which is substituted in class). I don’t want to dive into why the song was written, speculation about the band, or what it means to others–just what it means to me.
So, I’ve been listening to it for a few days now and it’s a very, very sad song. The music is fabulous–haunting even. Here’s the part that keeps coming to me: “My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me. ‘Til then I walk alone.”
I think this is how a lot of people feel without Jesus and what they feel in their hearts. They are searching. They feel alone. And they are waiting to be found by God and Jesus.
Our church on Sunday talked about Zacchaeus the Tax Collector as told in Luke 19. Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus so he climbs a tree and waits for his passing. Jesus notices him and invites himself to Zacchaeus’s house to stay.
Here, Jesus took the initiative because He knew Zacchaeus’s heart.
So, it’s true you have to accept Jesus in your life but it is also true Jesus comes knocking on your door and He knocks over and over again until you accept Him or you die. We have Free Will to choose but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t try to encourage us by prodding us towards Him.
This song reminds me of someone searching for Jesus but just can’t seem to find Him or doesn’t know where to look.
When I first heard this song, I thought the lyrics read, “Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me.”
It brings tears to my eyes to think of all those lost, searching, but never find God. That’s I think where we come in. We are to share the Good News because God knows He can’t speak to everyone. So He uses us to be His voice. Even this song, which may have nothing to do with God in the writer’s mind, invokes the search and yearns for someone to find them so they won’t be alone. God can always fill that gap.
This is what drives me to edit my novel for the umpteenth time when all I really want to do is quit because my novel says something about God and I think it says it well and I think it could help those who are searching but are lost and can’t find Him–just what I think this song is talking about.
Searching for something even if people don’t know what it is–they know there is something else, something more out there because God has put that desire into our hearts.
