Just When I Think I’m Done…

I have been anxious to begin querying on my novel.  I’ve been this way since I finished really.  Last week, I thought I was done so I began to write my query letter.  I worked on it some more this morning when I read something on the internet that made me decide to rip apart my first and second chapters.

So, I spent 2 hours this morning doing just that.  Fine.  But I’m just that much further from being done.

Then I had a thought that I usually always have when I’m writing a book:  does it really matter anyways? Will anyone ever read this?  Does anyone care but me?

It’s just frustrating.  People think writing is easy.  It’s not.  Far from it.  It’s constant second-guessing. Constant wondering if this sounds right, if this is saying what I think it’s saying, and if anyone will ever read this stuff beyond, well, me.

And when the tough part is over (completing a novel) then the selling begins (an even tougher part for me)–convincing someone my novel is worth something to someone else besides me.

I dread this part but yet it’s the most important element.  I’m taking my time on this one, trying not to screw this one up.  Trying not to screw any of it up really.

So I pray and hope and keep working and maybe one day…

9 thoughts on “Just When I Think I’m Done…

  1. I was searching for help for #13 BSF question and came across your blog! I am a songwriter and creative writer, just finished a CD, working on childrens novel and stories so I really can identify with your comments. Don’t give up! Keep going. God has a plan for your work that will glorify him. There is a period of time of waiting and preparation and then whoosh you will be wishing you had more time! God bless you and I would love to hear more of what you learn about writing so I can improve too! May God bless you richly. I am working on a website with my music and a blog http://www.bethea.ca which will be up in a month or so. I’m looking forward to it especially now that I’ve read yours!

    1. Hey Carola,
      I’ll have to check it out once it’s up!!! Thanks for the encouragement. Just frustrations coming out. I always mean to write more on the topic of writing but BSF is my focus right now and I blog about what comes to the heart. I’ll try more in the future!! Good luck, keep me posted, and thanks for commenting!

  2. I love your site!! Our brains seem to think on the same wave! I purchased the Bible Atlas Saturday and it is awesome! Thank you so much for telling about it; Your blog has helped me in BSF so much; I am now able to understand a lot of the questions even though I do not always agree with the wording. . Thank you so much. When your book is published, it is on my ‘must read’ list.

    Suzyden in Texas

  3. Hi Atoz and Hugs.

    Well I wrote then I hit my mouse and poof it was deleted. So, I really will make this brief..since I don’t have the time to rewrite it all…LOL.

    First, I’m what people call “a reader”. As my friend Debbie says…I inhale books :-). But, like everyone my time is limited…so I’m selective in what I chose to read book wise and blog wise. And I choose to subscribe to read yours…so I am guaranteed to I get all your posts.

    Initially, probably like most people, I came here to get some help with BSF questions. What you don’t know is that I’d chosen not to continue with BSF this year awhile back because of family issues (and pray I can make it next year)…BUT…I STILL chose to read “you”. I still subscribe.

    Atoz, this blog alone should give you the confidence that if you write…God will bring the readers. And it should also give a publisher some confidence as well that you have an audience. True, this blog is non-fiction, but who likes to read even non-fiction that’s not well written?

    To me writing is all about taking the reader (that would be me) into a your world with your words. As I am reading, whether fiction or non-fiction…I’m drawn to a place that you (as a writer)create for me. It’s a gift writers give to us readers. And you have given me (and others) that gift…daily.

    Which brings me to my response about “giving”. You DO give. And we ALL struggle with selfishness. One of the preachers that has helped me grow over the years in my walk with God…does this thing where she talks about how self-focused she used to be ( and still struggles with at times like everyone else, despite how much she’s grown).. and her “illustration” is that she walks around like a robot, saying that this is how we go through our day, (said in a robotic voice and walk) “What about me, what about me, what about me…”

    What about MY feelings? What about what I want to do? What about how you hurt me?…etc.

    My point being, Atoz…Jesus knows..what it’s like to be human. He knows.

    The only antidote is doing EXACTLY what you are doing and that is in learning…and then one day finding yourself CHOOSING to be like Christ. And everytime you do…you realize…he’s right. And it gets easier the next time.

    Tonight, or I should say last night…I was SO angry with my DD. I mean REALLY angry. I was so angry I almost couldn’t think. I at least knew I had to get out of the house. That was choice #1. I got out of the house and I was so tempted to call a friend to blast out the anger. But, I got that little twinge of “no, that’s not obedience to me. You’ll only spew out unkind things about her to others.” Obedience…ARRGGGG…ok..then WHAT GOD? I need something. So, what immediately came to my mind is that our local Christian book store relocated and I hadn’t been to the new location. I went there. There was Christian music on. I spent two hours cooling off and reading different book jackets, etc :-)…no “spewing” happened.

    Five years ago Atoz, I would have called my friends, spewed out unkind things about someone (you pick,my family, my husband, my job, whatever)…and wouldn’t have felt guilty at all. That’s what friends are for, right? To listen. They understand. To say “Yeah, that’s terrible.”

    A year ago, I would have called friends and spewed out unkind things and felt twinges of guilt after. OH no…I spewed out things that were hurtful and disrespectful to my husband or children or others that once said, and heard by someone else…couldn’t be unheard. But I would have kind of poo-pooed the guilt. Oh well. “I’m sorry God…but THEY…and I was so angry what could I do?”

    Last night I made a different choice. I was obedient. It was tough. I was SO tempted. I would love to get to the point I’m NOT tempted.

    What we’re all striving for Atoz,is to be as much like Christ as we can, yet knowing that we never will be him. We will always fall short of holiness…and unselfishness…most of us WAY short.

    Each day we strive to just make one less choice to TAKE and one more choice to GIVE…one less choice to focus or justify what I FEEL and one more choice to OBEY even though it FEELS wrong/hard. Just one less choice. One small thing done differently.

    One thing done differently…is what changes the world, our marriages, our kids, and little by little softens our hearts.

    It’s a lifelong journey. When I was in the bookstore I picked up this journal and in there was a quote. It essentially said that growing older is beautiful because we continue to grow in our faith. We lose beauty to the world, but grow in beauty to God.

    I always wanted to be beautiful and I can still be. Actually, I’d like to die gorgeous. :-). Right now I’m (maybe)…cute.

    Keep writing. Keep trusting. Keep learning. Keep changing. You’re already better looking then you were six months ago :-). I have a feeling you may die gorgeous. 🙂

    So much for brevity.

    1. Nancy,

      You have the same problem I do when I write…keeping it short! But I love it! All is great stuff and thank you once again for imparting your wisdom to me.

      There was so much in here I loved…getting out, not venting, writing, giving, etc. But my favorite bit was “One thing done differently changes the world, marriage, kids, and softens hearts.” I’m going to try to apply this to my life regarding my relationships. It doesn’t seem quite so overwhelming if I can just focus on one thing…hard to do for us multi-tasking women!

      I have a feeling I will re-read this one many times over the next few weeks. Take care and hugs back!

  4. I want you to be encouraged I am looking forward to reading your novel. So get it done and give God the glory. I am glad you are frustrated it shows your need for dependance on God. I will buy it and read it and love it. I love your posts regarding kids literature, after being a teacher for 15 years it makes my heart leap with joy to read your comparisons with Christian ideas. SO thanks for your ministry and keep your head up. I have seen the hand of God first hand and dealt with MS for 10 years. I was a teacher and had to quit due to it and in a wheel chair. This last Dec I was in Walmart of all places and there someone came up to me prayed over me and the next morning I began to walk. Amazing God is not finished with us yet and I can see he has given you great insight into His word. HUGS Christine

  5. Also even though I am walking I still deal with extreme fatigue and depression. Depression and yes I am a Christian. I have been home for five days straight and am so fatigued that reading your posts may be almost the only thing I do for days. The night before my MS hit in 1999 I was working out at the gym, teaching /coaching my kids in hockey. Id ealt and still do with dyslexia, but before it hit I was very active in Woman’s minstry and growing in the Lord. Almost every morning I would walk 3 miles then get to work and teach then come home make dinner then we all went to the gym. Even my special needs child that lives with us and will continue and is 30 years old. Which has been another trial he was a patient of City of Hope for 5 years and his life has been a struggle as he just wants a friend, wife, liscense. My heart has been broken. There are many other things I have had to face and know truly God is victorious even when the flood waters seem to be overwhelming. Isaiah has beentimely and reading your posts have encourgered me when I can’t think straight due to my eyes being filled with tears. Thanks again we are all on different journey’s but we are all trying to get to the same place, just our paths take different roads.
    Hugs again!! Christine

    1. Ahhh, thanks Christine. You make my heart melt! I will pray for you. My trials seems so minimal compared to yours and others. I’m glad I can encourage you and lift you up a bit with my posts and hopefully make your days a bit easier. God is amazing. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story and God Bless!! Hugs back!!!

  6. Keep the posts coming!!! You are a Barnabus to many!!
    HUGS!!! I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!!!!

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