The Answers I Seek Lie In God’s Word

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard, “Just open the Bible to any page, start reading, and you’ll find an answer to your problems.”

Lately, for whatever reason, I had been thinking this is hokey.  I mean, if I’m looking for comfort, wouldn’t I turn to the pages on comfort?

But, Day 5 of Lesson 19 in BSF changed all of my thinking, gave me peace in my myriad of minor problems, and turned my thinking around.

I was wallowing in self-pity again when I completed Day 5 and wrote this conclusion: “There is no other Rock.”  This sums it up for me.  If God were my Rock in every situation every day of my life, I’d be a lot happier and much more fulfilled and joyful.  Only God can fill me.  If I am full of God, then there is no room left for miscellaneous ‘idol’ distractions, mini-crises, or unnecessary drama.  God and His blessings would rule.  The Devil would have no place to hide.

This was from Isaiah 44, a passage that didn’t seem to have any bearing on my current dilemma or state of mind.  But the universal truths of God as my Rock struck me and made me realize He wasn’t my Rock in this situation.  He wasn’t my Rock in my mind.  In fact, He was dwelling far away.

I sat and meditated on this fact for a while.  I have been stressed lately:  we’re trying to decide where to move and when and the indecision is getting to me.  Hence, minor little things have been blowing up all around me.  And I haven’t been turning to God’s word for the answers.  I’ve been praying but doing little else.

Until I read Isaiah.  Then I realized (again) God was not my center.  He is my Rock.  And if I’d just slow down for a few minutes and remember that, everything else would fall into place around Him.

I must remember to pray before I flip out.  Pray in every situation.  Read His word and find comfort as it speaks to me.  And all of it (the Bible) speaks to me.

Keep God first.  Remember His faithfulness.  He will do the rest.

I Felt Empty This Morning…

Every day when I drop my kids off at school, I feel empty.  I don’t want them there.  I want them at home with me.  This feeling increases with every day and I am using all of my power to fight it since my husband wants them to finish out this school year in school.

I used to feel guilty over this.  Am I being selfish wanting my kids with me all the time?  Is it my insecurities?  Probably, yes.

Yet time is so precious.  It is fleeting.  I mean, where did the month of January go?

Then I read Somewhere More Holy. Tony Woodlief described how they homeschooled because they want their kids near them (they lost their first child when she was 3) and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I’m not alone.  And it’s okay to feel that.  They have insecurities and so do we all.

They homeschool for the reasons I told myself I shouldn’t:  selfishness.

“We think they (his kids) are safer when they are near us, or perhaps because we feel less empty when we are near them.” P.142

My babies (who are not babies anymore despite my 3 year old’s insistence he be called a baby) will be gone in a blink of an eye. Once they turn 18, it’s bye-bye if they want.

I think my kids need me and my husband as much as we need them.  It was meant to be that way.  School distances them from us at an early age that I’m not so sure is healthy for a 5 year old.  We constantly say, “You’re a big girl, now” to our kids when they’re not.  I don’t want my kids thinking they can take on the world or they have to–at least not yet.  I get angry when they are taught to do things for themselves, which is good in one sense, but as we’ve learned in Isaiah, self-reliance can turn into pride and push God from the center.

I don’t know.  I have issues.  I’m trying to work through them.  And pray about them.  As you all can tell, I got a lot on my mind these days.  Family.  Friends.  Kids.  Life.  Priorities.  Purpose.  And how it all relates to God.