This morning I fell.
Suffice it to say, my back and my mouth hurts. My lip is swollen and my teeth hurt. I’d go to the doc/dentist but it’s all so swollen there’s nothing to be determined. Plus, I’d like to see if it’s all just my overblown imagination that “something’s wrong” before rushing anywhere.
So, I was angry about that.
Then I was working on my novel and I had to chuck the whole first chapter. And that always gets me thinking, “Is this really worth it?”
I don’t know about you, but I always am thinking what else I could be doing with my time. I’d love to lay in bed all day long, sipping coffee, and reading a book. Never happens. One day maybe.
When stupid stuff like falling (my fault by the way) happens to me I always wonder, “What’s the point?”
Of being healthy. Of striving to do my best. Of working so hard with never seeing results. Of striving to do God’s will and always feeling at the end of the day that I’ve failed.
It just all seems pointless, meaningless.
I know exactly how the author of Ecclesiastes feels. Exactly.
You live a life and in the end what do you have to show for it? Pain, heartache, trials, difficulties, and some joy and triumphs.
But why is it the trials always seem to trump the triumphs? Funny how the word trump and triumph are so similar.
I pray to God “Why?” and just once I’d wish He’d speak to me like He did the prophets. Just once.
Yes, I know. You have God to show for it. But in the moment it’s easy to believe He’s far away.
I feel like this world is against me. So what do I do?
The crazy answer is the same thing I always do: keep at it. Never giving up. Keep moving forward. Taking the hits as best I can when they come and praying for strength through them. Then relishing the triumphs that always seem lagging when they do show their face.
So, I lay on my dog and shed a few tears on her fur as she sniffs me, wondering what’s wrong with Mommy today. I pray I can feel my mouth again soon and pray my back is just bruised. And pray I’m not so stupid the next time around.
Then I pray for strength, courage, and perseverance for this day.
For if I make it through today, I’ll make it through tomorrow.
Hi Atzomom,
I am old enough to be your mom (would that make me Atzograndmom?), and I just want you to know what an encouragement you have been to me this year. I wish I could hug you and just tell you that I care. More than my care, though, I know that God is there for you. As you are healing may the lessons we learned from Paul’s trials ring in your memory. I actually looked for some verses might lift you some such as “Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31 (KJV); “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 (KJV); “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”Philippians 1:6 (KJV). I’m glad your sweet dog was there to give you physical comfort. Things will be better tomorrow. I’m excited about reading your book.
Love,
Atozgrandmom
I’m so sorry to hear this and have already prayed that you will heal quickly and completely. I am in week 5 of a terrible battle with vertigo (have been incapacitated by it but am finally improving). I was able to make it to church last Sunday with help to hear a sermon from the Book of Job. Ever since, when I begin to feel particularly pitiful, I think of Job and reread what he endured. I thought if you read it, too, it might give you a boost. Thanks for your honesty!
Praying for you, I’ve been going through heavy trials myself and keeping at it works wonders all because I abide in God’s love. Amen.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. I have already prayed for you to receive from our Lord the strength that you need to get over this trial. You will recover, and soon. Please, do not feel that what you are doing is worthless. You couldn’t be further from the truth, you are an INSPIRATION to all of us. My burden is medical, and although I pray for some recovery, it never happens, but I know that God is listening to me, and that means so much to me. Let me give a quick list of my ailments.(All prayers are excepted) 3 back surgeries,Diabetic, Acid reflux, Sleep apnea, Colon cancer (6yrs now), Open heart five way, and the use of only one lung. I find it hard to get around and I get out of breath rel easily but I never miss a BSF meeting. So keep the faith, keep working on your book, because one day we will see it on the back page of BSF Book Recommendations
God bless you & keep you always.
Leslie
Thank you, my women of faith. I posted this for encouraging words and I have received such! Leslie, I have prayed (and don’t ever be afraid to ask) and prayed for all of you in your many struggles. I will continue to do so. Thank you so much for such sentiments!
Life and what happens to us is NOT pointless and/or meaningless. Hang in there, never give up.
I remember meeting Corrie ten Boom in Minnesota and her telling the story about a needlepoint work: The backside of the needlepoint is a jumble of colors and threads with no discernible pattern. And she would say “this is how we see our lives. But when we turn the piece over to reveal the pattern, then it looks beautiful, because every stitch is in place”. And Corrie would conclude by saying: “This is how God views your life and someday we will have the privilege of seeing it from His point of view.
When downhearted, look away to Jesus, who for you did shed his blood most precious, let me say though all the world should hate us ( fall, bump our head, feel sorry for ourselves), never mind go on. Though the fighting (writing) may be tough, let your motto be, go on, go on to victory. Hang in there you are an inspiration. Ian
Thankyou for sharing this, I hope you are feeling better soon and I am praying for you. I feel a hard life too. Life always seems to hit me, make me do things wrong, never give something good to me, push everything against me, make me have only 1 true friend and make me want to cry EVERYDAY of my life. I always make everything bad about school, home, clubs, music, school plays and anything else I can think of. 🙁
one thing that lightens my burden is knowing that i don’t have to carry it alone,i can give it to our Lord and he’ll take care of everything.i know that his plan is better than my dreams