It’s time to get back to my passion. I once read in order to succeed at your dream you must devote 2 hours to it everyday. I try to do that but right now I’m just not motivated to much in fact. I’m finding it hard to eat, to cook, and to focus on my writing. It’s hard to find the motivation when you can’t see the end game–and at this point I doubt if I ever will get published.
How do you get motivated when your work seems fruitless?
David Liss, The Whiskey Rebels, P.309
This makes me think of my novel. I’m dreaming to get it (or some other writing) published against all odds and I think, “Why not me?” I’m just like anybody else with a good story to tell so why not me? Against all the rejections, the no’s, I should come out on top. This is what keeps me going, keeps me writing, keeps me believing in myself and what I’m doing. Hopes and dreams—if you don’t have those, you might as well give up.
I touched on this briefly last post. It’s not that I get my feelings hurt when I receive a reject on my labor of love (my novel).
It’s this: I want something so bad and I hold so many expectations and hopes that when I do get rejected, it’s not personal or a reflection of me. It doesn’t hurt my ego or anything. It’s a deflation of my dreams and expectations and the knowledge that there is still plenty of work to do. It also is a lesson in patience (not my strong point by any means). I have to wait longer to see my book in print, to see my dreams materialize, to hold my work in my hands and watch others enjoy what I’ve created.
I want it now is what it comes down to and a rejection signals, “Nope, not now but later.”
I know that my novel is good. I know in my heart it is God’s work and it is meant to be shared to help others cope in this world. I know that. It’s just frustrating when I can’t seem to get that across to others.
No one said this was easy or life was easy. What fun would that be?
I pray I get an agent soon. I pray I get a publisher soon. I pray my husband gets a job soon. I pray we move to where I want to live and not to some hole-in-the-earth place where a job happens to be. I pray my kids get accepted to schools where I can feel comfortable sending them to, where I won’t have to homeschool them the rest of their lives, where they can have friends and the whole school experience. I pray these burdens on my heart are lifted.
I miss my old town. I miss my old church. I miss my friends. My kids miss their friends. Hell, I even miss my old house.
Do the trials of life ever end?
I usually don’t have vivid dreams, but I woke up this morning with one. As a writer, all of my novel ideas have been from my dreams (ultimately from God in my opinion) and this one was intriguing. I immediately wrote it down because the conversation was so alive and breathing. I don’t see how it will fit into a story but maybe one day.
As I’ve been researching literary agents to submit to, I’m discovering ones I’ve never discovered before. This is because I’ve wrote a young adult (YA) novel instead of one for adults. I didn’t realize how many agents out there focus exclusively on kids works. I find this fact great. I love helping my kids pick out books at the bookstore and now I know why there are so many fabulous ones on the shelves. Thanks to all the agents out there who recognize talent and work so feverishly to bring it to the world.
Now if only one of these esteemed literary agents would bring my talent to the world!