Category: Writing

Does It Matter If I Ever Get Published?

by atozmom, posted in Writing

I recently resurrected my women’s fiction novel.  The new query (one of a thousand versions) came to me in a split second moment and I believe it is my strongest yet.  It has led me back to re-working my novel just a bit in order to incorporate ideas from my query.

If you have been following my blog, then you know how incredibly frustrated I have been from this whole publishing industry.  It has gotten me down, caused numerous tears, and left me overall depressed.

Yet, as I listened to my recently downloaded God music on my IPod and this query just came to me, I thought, “Does it even matter if I ever get published if I’m enjoying what I’m doing, spending my time doing what I want to do, and answering my heart’s and God’s calling?”

My recent answer is, “NO, it doesn’t matter.  It would be nice but should be only icing on the cake, not the end-all and the solver of my problems.”

Don’t get me wrong, I intend to fight with everything in my body to have my dreams realized.  But, if it doesn’t happen in my time frame, it won’t be the end of me.  I still have my real life to lead–one of family–that trumps this life I lead in my stories.  And it is this life that matters the most.

Getting Back to Your Passion

by atozmom, posted in Writing

It’s time to get back to my passion.  I once read in order to succeed at your dream you must devote 2 hours to it everyday.  I try to do that but right now I’m just not motivated to much in fact.  I’m finding it hard to eat, to cook, and to focus on my writing.  It’s hard to find the motivation when you can’t see the end game–and at this point I doubt if I ever will get published.

How do you get motivated when your work seems fruitless?

Will I Always Self-Doubt?

by atozmom, posted in Writing

I had been riding a temporary high as I’ve resurrected a previously-thought dead novel and edited it to something new.  So, I’ve been pretty excited lately.

However, as I edit it and re-read it, I can’t help but think I’ll never get published with any project.  I’m trying to stay true to myself and write what’s in my heart and yet as I peruse blogs and articles on my genre, I am only discouraged.  Either by my obscure character (how tough it is to sell YA or literary women’s fiction) or just the mere fact that getting published by anyone these days would be a shear miracle.

I keep thinking my work is utter crap.  Yet I read recently if you can’t give up writing, then don’t and keep trying.  Well, I’m pretty sure I can’t give it up and I will always harbor hope somewhere within.

I’m just frustrated.  I know the harder you work for something, the more you’ll appreciate it.  I just don’t want to work 20 years on my dream and my life be near the end before I ever see my work in print.  How long is enough, God?  I’ve been plugging away at this dream now for 3 years now and I’d like to see even one sign of success, some kind of confirmation I’m not completely wasting my time here–ya know, maybe land an agent or something.

All I’m asking for here is some help.  Divine intervention would be nice.

Staying True to Your Writing Style

by atozmom, posted in Writing

I’ve been editing my YA novel, based on a few agents’ suggestions.  I have incorporated some of their suggestions but I have constantly been asking myself, “How true do I stay to my own unique writing style?  How much do I alter?”

Sure, I want to get published so some will say, “Do whatever you have to do in order to please people.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying to please.  Yet, I don’t want to gut my novel so much that readers miss the subtleties in the characters.  I still want it to be my work.

There’s a limit to how much I’ll do.  Now, once I get signed and a professional editor reviews my work, they can change whatever they want to (grammatically speaking).  But, for me, it pains me when I make a change I don’t believe is pertinent to the story so I avoid those at all costs.  I’m just too close to my work.

So, I’ll do what I can and then be satisfied, hoping a professional can add the sizzle after wards.

Any other thoughts?

Ephiphany

by atozmom, posted in Writing

Nothing in my life has come easy.  I only earned straight A’s in high school because I studied hard every day.  I only survived college projects because I worked hard.

So why I thought writing would be ANY different is beyond me.  For whatever reason, I thought it would be easy–you sit down, write a book, find an agent, and wha-lah, published author.  But, I was wrong, very wrong.

Writing the book is not easy.  The first draft is easy.  It’s the twentieth draft and beyond that is not.

So, as I start my umpteenth ‘final’ revision, I have realized this is how it’s supposed to be:  hard.  So, I’m gonna suck it up and get to work!

The Power of a Good Book

by atozmom, posted in Writing

I just finished Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer.  It was really good.  The ending was great.  There were a few parts that dragged but it was good.

Lately, I’ve been wondering if I could ever do that.  Sure, that’s my dream but with no one exactly knocking on my door to publish my stuff, it just makes me question if it will ever come true.

I liked being sucked in and I wonder if I could ever do that.  There’s just so much I don’t know–about my future, the stories I fill pages with, what God will put in my head to write about…

Answers would be nice to life’s questions, wouldn’t they?

Music and Writing

by atozmom, posted in Writing

When I first read Twilight and Ms. Meyer gave credit to a band that she listened to when she wrote the story, I just didn’t get it.  I like to write in silence so I was confused at first.  Yet, lately, I’ve gotten it.

Ever since my husband got me my IPod, I’ve been listening to the same 10 songs over and over.  These are the songs that most speak to my heart about my life right now and where I want it to head.

Needless to say, they do inspire my writing.  I listen to them before I sit down to write and all throughout the day as I ponder what I will write.  They take me back to the time and place I need to be…the time my story takes place.  They re-new the feelings I had, the ones I’m trying to re-create, and they center me as I type.

Some songs encourage me…telling me I can do this if I only keep trying.  Some songs remind me of who I used to be.  Others tell me what’s important in this life as I try to convey these messages to others.

What about you?  Do you listen to music as you write or are you inspired by music?  I’d love to hear your stories.

Still Resisting…

by atozmom, posted in Writing

I am still resisting with every ounce of my being my re-write of my YA novel.  Yet, I’m pushing through it.  I fixed the first chapter (the major issues I found) and have yet to re-read the entire thing and fix the little things.  This is the part I am not looking forward to.  It’s the getting pulled back into my story when I had already put the characters to bed for the night that is the hard part.

I had intended to do that this morning but my son is awake and sitting on my lap and I really have to desire to cry over my story with him here.  Plus, I have to plan homeschool for next week, clean my house, and we have early soccer games so I will postpone this until early tomorrow morning.  I like to work early in the mornings when all is quiet and (supposedly) all is sleeping.  It’s easier for me to work in big chunks of time than lots of tiny ones.

I hope to finish this up soon because it is weighing me down.

Writing is a lonely craft and I’d agree with that.  I’ve been advised to join a writing group and have my work critiqued, which I know is the smart thing to do.  Yet, with all my other responsibilities, I just don’t have the time.  Trust-worthy baby sitters are hard to come by and those are usually reserved for doctors appointments and such.  Plus, I’m HORRIBLE with criticism.  I’d rather stab myself than hear my work critiqued.  I know it’s necessary but when your characters are such a part of yourself, it’s like someone is stabbing me anyways.

Yet part of this is about me.  It’s about seeing how perfect I can create something and then having an editor pare it down.  If I had the spare cash, I’d hire someone to edit it for me.  So, for right now, I’m going solo and trusting in God to guide my hands and write what He believes is important.

One More Time

by atozmom, posted in Writing

I was discussing my novel last night with my husband who tried to convince me that people don’t want to read about dark topics like my YA novel.  I threw out counter-examples like “The Road” in my defense.

So, I went to sleep last night debating whether or not I should completely scrap my entire novel and just start over.  But God will just not let me let this one go.

So, I awoke with many numerous ideas flitting through my mind and I’m willing to give it one more good edit before it’s laid to rest like the rest of my works, destined to be just a word file on my computer I suppose.

What has happened is that I’ve cut out all the beginning/introduction in order to make the new beginning pop.  Well, now I realize I may have cut TOO much and need to re-work it.  My task has become:  make the first five pages sizzle so I can get someone to actually read my novel completely because I know the rest is good: the plot twists, the ending, the ups and downs of the characters, the arc, etc.

Now I need to add some stuff back in but yet in an interesting way, not necessarily chronological.  I may have to increase a character’s flaws (which is numerous as it stands but not prevalent in the beginning) and edit my superfluous writing style once again.

I wish I could say I’m looking forward to this–but I’m not.  It’s another necessary evil on the road to publication.  I am praying fervently for God’s guidance in this one.  I will need it once more.

Time to Pray

by atozmom, posted in Writing

I so think my story is done (my YA novel that is).  I don’t want to go back to it.  Yet, I just got more suggestions from an agent who said I was 90% there and said it was too “heavy-handed” with the characters and I needed to eliminate some things.

To be perfectly honest, I really don’t want to.  I have re-written this story so much by now that it’s amazingly pathetic.

My only consideration is, “Is this the story God wants me to do?”  If so, then I need to obviously take her advice and work on it…again.  But, part of me is ready to move on to my next story.  Part of me feels this is just such a waste of my time when there are so many other things I could be doing.  How long does one follow a pipe dream?  How badly do I want to be published?  How badly do I want this?

Yet, if I didn’t feel this story wasn’t worth telling, I’d have moved on long ago.  Yet something about this one–the potential power it holds–keeps me working on it.  At what point do I say, “Enough already?”  I am so torn up over this project that I’m having trouble describing how I feel right now.  I’m very sad and beaten down by it all–the process, the story, the memories, and the hope (fruitless?).

I know there is something here, but do I have the fortitude to keep digging until it is crystal clear to readers?  Part of me wishes someone would just tell me my writing sucks and stop dangling out hope that maybe one day I’ll get it right.  It is so much easier to just give up rather than fight through the pain I feel every time I work on the novel one more time.

All I know is it’s time to pray…some more.  I don’t have the answers.  My characters can’t tell me what to do.  It’s all in my mind and I have to determine how best to reconcile it all.

What do I truly want with this story?  Is it finished?  Is there something more…something missing?

I don’t know anymore–what I want or how badly.  I really don’t know anything right now.  I’m so emotionally drained from this whole process and adverse to re-visiting the world I created that I’m unsure if I can make it any better or if I can emerge from it all.  I don’t know where my heart lies or anything…