Category: Life

Ever Notice Your Calling is Not Your Choice?

by atozmom, posted in Faith, Life

I’d love to take the path most taken: put my kids in school, work out at the gym, sip coffee with friends, go shopping, take vacations, and lead a normal, suburban life.

But I can’t.

And I don’t have a choice about it.

I must follow where God leads and that’s not exactly the way I’d go and certainly not the easy route that’s for sure.  I’m called to write:  a path full of rejection which I’m not good at taking.  I’m called to homeschool–a bit out of the mainstream but growing by leaps and bounds as more and more parents realize what a classroom full of 30 kids is really like compared to 3 kids.  I’m called to be a wife and mother and care-taker of animals.  And I’m sure I’m called to other things; I just can’t see them at the moment.

Not that my life is hard.  In fact, I’m very, very blessed.  I have a hard-working husband who supports me in all I do.  I have wonderful, healthy kids who are growing up strong in the Lord.  I have 2 dogs and 2 cats to care for.  I have a home, cars, God, and love.

Yet for those who are blessed, more is expected.  I am called for more and I can’t quit until it’s achieved.  My calling is also not my own.  I don’t think I would have chosen it.  In fact, I know I wouldn’t have.  I would have chosen to be born to royalty (or at least to millionaires) and led a cushy life for the my brief time here on Earth.

But I wasn’t.

I was called to lead an ordinary life in a not-so-ordinary fashion.

All because of God within.

It drives me, propels me, forces me to do so.

Even when I have no desire to.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20:  “…You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”

I am God’s.  And I’d have it no other way.

My Ideal Life…

by atozmom, posted in Life, Writing

So school (and hence my job) has been on a two-week break.  It’s been nice (after I recovered from my nasty illness).  I’ve spent the days cleaning my house, visiting family and friends, reading books both to my kids and to myself and my gym membership started on January 1st so I went to the pool, which was awesome!

I also have been querying my just completed YA contemporary novel (this is where you try to find a literary agent in order to sell your work to a publisher).  To be quite honest, I am holding out no hope really of landing one.  But I do it anyways so then I can move on to my next book, which I think I will return to non-fiction which was the first book I wrote about 7 years ago when I was called to this “career”.

Me Reading City of Bones
Me Reading City of Bones

One of the books I read was City of Bones by Cassandra Clare.  I saw the movie version and liked it, so of course I grabbed the book since it’s in one of my favorite genres to write (YA paranormal).

I liked the book (except for the ending) and would recommend it if you like that stuff, but it was depressing to read for the simple fact it made me jealous–jealous because I don’t think I can write that good of a book.  It made me want to start writing another YA paranormal almost instantly–until I thought I have no inspiration at the moment.

After reading City of Bones, I believe my current novel to be utter crap and won’t go anywhere like the rest of the books I’ve written.

So now what?  Well, I pray.  Pray for my book.  Pray I write something that will impact someone somewhere.  Pray someone will believe in that dream with me as well–enough to get me published.  Pray I do God’s work and not my own.

So why is this my ideal life?  Because I got to read a book!  I haven’t read a book outside of kids books since Killing Jesus (and that took me almost 3 months to finish)!

I got to do what I wanted to do (for the most part), which is sit around and read books.  No kids activities to run to.  No guitar lessons to make.  No job I had to get up for…

Still, there is something deep inside of me that craves more.  It craves this book (whatever that will be).  It craves it more than a pregnant woman would ice cream.  And the restlessness inside of me never goes away until I have it…

Make a Life Instead of a Living…

by atozmom, posted in Life

Not sure where I heard these words, but I thought I’d share as the thought for the day.

Life is about using and sharing your God-given gift(s) instead of doing something just for the money.

I had been motivated by money for my job, but I learned my lesson.  I don’t enjoy it; hence, I’m going back to making a life instead of a living–even if that means I don’t earn a penny doing so.

Good New Year Resolution as well!

Am I a Freak?

by atozmom, posted in Life, Writing

Lately, I have been wondering how others spend their time.  Then I think on how I spend my time…

In the mornings, I get up.  I frequently work out.  Then I do my bible study.  I check the news on the Internet.  Do miscellaneous things that demand my attention like laundry or dishes or pay the bills.  Pray…

Then I work on my novel.

I labor over this thing like it’s a work of art.  I just spent an hour and a half today editing 2 pages, agonizing over word choices, looking up definition and synonyms, until I deem it perfect before I move on.  Frequently, I return to the same passage the next day and re-read it just to make sure.

I ask myself Why? and wonder what others do with their spare time.  I think of what else I could be doing.  Reading adult books instead of kids books.  Cleaning.  Cooking.  Planning something or other that I’m sure needs to be planned.

My neighbors watch TV every morning.  I see it on through their blinds.

Then I think No, there is nothing else I want to be doing than this.

Frequently, I feel selfish about it especially when my husband is home.

But I have this hope, this deep desire within that one day soon I will be published.  One day I will go to Barnes and Noble and buy my own book.  One day soon I can call myself a “writer” instead of a “blogger”.

And it is this that drives me.  That keeps getting me up at God-awful hours of the morning.  That tires me out and I go to bed early.

And that embraces the term “freak”.  For if that be what I am, then why not?

We all probably have something we are a freak about.  So what’s your thing?  And how do you spend your precious spare hours?

Remember Our Blessings…

by atozmom, posted in Life

Due to the Thanksgiving holiday this week, in lieu of prayer requests I’d like to have a post devoted to God’s blessings and praises–what God has given us instead of what He hasn’t yet (which He has we just can’t see it).

Too often (myself included) we forget out blessings and instead focus on the little setbacks in life.  Granted, sometimes the setbacks are big but God is always in the midst.

Just some of my blessings:

I am blessed by my husband who sacrifices time with his family so we can live a good life. I am blessed to be able to write to you, to afford Internet, and to write somewhat intelligently.  I am blessed being able to take guitar lessons and learn alongside my kids. They are blessed in this as well.

I lead a pretty good life.  I don’t have to work.  I spend all my time with my kids.  I get to do whatever I want most of the time.

Sure, my husband is struggling in his career.  But God is there.  By his side the entire time.  And God’s faithful to move him where He wants him.

I am blessed by my three beautiful children who God has entrusted to me to raise in His name.

I am blessed that I still have one dog whose unconditional love is hard to surpass.

I am blessed with a home, a family, food, clothing, and shelter.  I am blessed by my blog and spreading His message.  I am blessed by BSF and the Bible, God’s word.  I am blessed by Him.

I am blessed by you all and your words of wisdom, different view points, prayers, encouragements, disagreements, opinions, answers, questions, challenges, and advice.  I am grateful for each and every one of you who visit and my heart sings when you post your thoughts and prayers here.  God bless you all.

What are your blessings?

I’ve Never Felt Pain Like This Before….

by atozmom, posted in Dogs, Life

On August 29th, 2012, at 8:30 am, my beloved dog passed away in my arms.

It was so sudden I didn’t want to believe it.

Still don’t.

I can’t remember when I’ve cried this much.

Continuously.

I love her.  Always will.  She is in my heart.  But I still yearn for here by my side.

I have not known pain like this before.

I have a small family.  Those who have passed away around me I was never close to.

Haven’t lost my mom or my dad yet.

She was my heart.  My first baby.  She was the one everyone wanted to take home.

I remember picking her out.  She ran from me, chasing after her sisters and her brother, and I grabbed her.

And didn’t let go.

Until that day.

But I haven’t let go.  Still clinging to her as if she were here.

But now it’s to her brother.  Who has just as much (if not more) of a broken heart as I do.

I told him I’d cry for him.  But I know he’s crying on the inside; I’m only crying on the out.

I tear up every time I think of her.  I try not to but it’s hard.  So much reminds me of her.

We took pictures the day before we took her to the vet.  We clung to the vet’s positive words (which weren’t many) but we hoped and we prayed and we prayed some more.

And I, at least, begged.

That morning I knew she wasn’t getting better.

I prayed over her to get better for ME.  Not for her.  But for ME.

Selfish, isn’t it?

She kept following me (like she always did) and I told her not to.  To rest and get better.

But God granted me the privilege of holding her as she left this world.  Of crying, “Please, God, no.  Don’t take her.”  Of showering her with my tears as her heart took its final beat.

But it was time.  I just didn’t want to admit it.

I love her.  Always will.

And I just wanted to share some pictures of her.

I wish I could share more.

Pictures of her and my kids.  Pictures of her and me.  On the day before she died.

But those are sacred.  Just between her and me and my family.

These are pictures of just her.

I love her.  Always will.

Her Favorite Spot
My Precious
Hunting Last Fall (This is One of My All-Time Favorite Photos)
Her and Her Brother Sleeping in the Camper
Her and Her Brother Hanging Out in the Backyard

Just Hanging Out

Do You Ever Wonder What Happens After the Headline?

by atozmom, posted in Life

I’m talking about all those news stories you read where someone dies, a tragedy befalls a family, a child gets kidnapped and killed, and then the story disappears from the news, replaced by the next “tragic event”?  I’m not talking about those that stay in the headlines like Casey Anthony.  I’m talking about the hundreds of stories in your local paper you hear about every year that you never hear about again.

These are families, impacted for life.  I wonder what happens after the tragedy.

Yes, people go on.  Sometimes because life moves on and you must move with it.  And sometimes the paper will do a follow-up story.  But not usually.  I guess there are too many new tragedies to report on to follow the old ones.  Life…

I often wonder how I’d react if such an event happened to me.  I usually pray for that person and then thank God for my family’s blessings.

Then I think of all the people who are suffering personal tragedies–those whom you don’t hear about.  Such as health problems, work problems, money problems, kid problems, and on and on and on.

Life is so many things:  tragic, fulfilling, complicated, simple, full of hope and love, full of sadness and neediness, rich and beautiful, blessed and ugly and dirty, torn down.

My husband’s grandmother always says, “In 6 months, your problems will change and this “problem” you are going through will be just a blip on the radar screen of life.”

So true…

Ah, Now My Day Can Begin…

by atozmom, posted in Life

Lately, I’ve been dragging myself out of bed for various reasons.  I have been going to bed later.  My husband has been working the night shift so he comes home around 5 am and wakes me. Occasionally the dogs want to be let out.  You get my point.

I would still be in bed right now except for one thing and one thing only:  coffee.  In fact, I laid in bed for ten minutes before the thought of coffee drove me to my feet.

I got up, put the kettle on, turned on my computer, and awaited that sweet-sounding whistle.

I then poured the water into my french press and set the timer.

The timer beeped.  I got my coffee.

Now I’m sitting in front of my computer, telling you all about it.

Now my day can officially begin.

We are preparing for a trip back home next week so I got a ‘To Do’ list a mile long.

But it can wait.

All because my coffee is at the perfect temperature.

“I Don’t Know What to Pray, Lord, But I Love You…”

by atozmom, posted in Faith, Life

Have you ever just been so overwhelmed with life’s events that this is all you can pray?

This has been my prayer for many days now.  I lay down at night and this is all that comes out.

Yet, somehow, I feel this is enough.  I don’t feel like anything else need be said.

God knows my heart.  He knows my thoughts.  He knows where I’m at right now in life’s journey.

And sometimes simple is better.

“We Often Look So Long and So Regretfully Upon the Closed Door that We Do Not See the New Ones Which Open for Us”

by atozmom, posted in Book Reviews, Life

Words I needed to hear courtesy of Mary Pope Osborne and her Magic Tree House Series.  Here, Osborne quotes Alexander Graham Bell in Night of the New Magicians.

The entire quote of Mr. Bell’s:  “When one door closes, another door opens.  But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

LOVE THIS!  Especially now as I look to close the door on my life and move to another state.

I cannot praise this series enough.  I have learned so much myself let alone my kids.  Every book has a great life lesson to apply to life or a great quote from a historical figure (like the one above) that we all need to be reminded of.

In the Night of the New Magicians, Jack and Annie discover 4 secrets from 4 “Magicians”: Alexander Graham Bell, Gustave Eiffel, Thomas Alva Edison, and Louis Pasteur.

Edison’s Secret:  “Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.”

Pasteur’s Secret:  “Chance favors the prepared mind.”

Eiffel’s Secret:  “From my father I inherited a taste for adventure, from my mother a love of work and responsibility.”

All great quotes from geniuses in their own right.  Way to go, Ms. Osborne!  Thanks for teaching my kids and reminding me of great, timeless advice.